Observations: Words Matter
Words matter. Many of us grew up with the old saying, "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." Really? Are we sure about that?
From my experience in life, I do not agree with this old saying. Words are very important. Likely we all, in one way or another have absolutely been hurt by them. And, depending on the severity of the "wound," may have never fully recovered. I think the following to be much more accurate:
In putting her own touch to this old saying, I think this woman captured the essence very well. We simply do not forget hurtful words spoken to us by others. Particularly by those close to us. While we do well to forgive and not let bitterness consume us [Bitterness: "... drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die ..."], we almost never forget.
What can we work on with our communication to avoid bad outcomes like this? We're all human and prone to bad days and making verbal mistakes for which we need to humbly apologize to those affected.
Still, I'd like to suggest three areas which we can focus on in working to make a big difference in the world around us.
Common Courtesy
The first I believe to be the easiest - simple common courtesy. Were you raised to be thoughtful about always making requests with "please?" And always showing a genuine appreciation for others with "thank you?" If so, what are you experiencing where you live today? From the time you were young, how has this changed? The same? Better? Worse?
Where we live, in my life time, I have seen a considerable decline in the common courtesy I believe we should all be consciously thoughtful about in our communications with others. A simple example is holding the door open for another at a store. How many times have I done this and had the person simply walk by me as though I didn't even exist without uttering a word?
To be sure, we should just "do the right thing" and not be concerned about whether our courtesy is acknowledged. And some people you are pretty sure are just distracted. But unquestionably there is just something about some people that you can "sense," as they pass by you. It is cold. It is impersonal. They truly seem to be actively working to ignore you and the courtesy you have just shown to them.
How about others asking you for something in a tone and with words that sound more like a command than a request. With a hint (or more) of condescension thrown in for good measure? As though you were their servant / slave? Say "please" when making a request? What?! No way!! If you are like me, you've been around people who you have likely never heard utter this word of common courtesy.
What has been your experience? Where you live?
Civility
Moving beyond just simple common courtesy in our everyday dealings with others, how about our communication when it comes to something more difficult? There can be no question we will not always agree with others. Or find them agreeable. Or both.
How do we go about communicating with people like this? What should be the most important aspect of interacting with our fellow man in these situations?
Focus on the issue or the task at hand. Make your comments as productive and constructive under the circumstances, as you can manage. Perhaps you won't have much to say at all, but should simply listen. Carefully. Whatever your temptation to do otherwise, do not make it personal! The temptation, should your thoughts and words fail to persuade your fellow man to see the matter your way, is to "impose your will" and begin to go after them and "attack" them in a personal manner.
Don't do it! This is just not right.
Lots of wisdom in an old saying, "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." Or a variant which I like, "If you don't have something nice to say about someone, you're probably not trying hard enough."
How far away from civility we are in my country, America. Very sad and very sobering. It is almost a daily occurrence to hear those around me comment about it, in one way or another. And never in positive terms either, but expressing their own sense of how bad it is getting.
At least our national leaders are showing us the way past this right? Leading by example? Sure they are. Not! They're actually doing the exact opposite. Again, very sad and very sobering when thinking about what this may lead to in our future.
Respect
Above all else, respect is essential to the content of this post. And not just words and shallow clichés either. But genuine heartfelt respect. Respect for others. Respect for life. What do others have to say about this vital topic?
Every human being and nation, irrespective of their power or strength, has the right to be respected. "Respect is an unassuming resounding force, the stuff that equity and justice are made of." It means being treated with consideration and esteem and to be willing to treat people similarly.. It means to have a regard for other peoples' feelings, listening to people and hearing them, i.e. giving them one's full attention. Even more importantly, respect means treating one with dignity. Respect is the opposite of humiliation and contempt. So where the latter can be a cause of conflict, the former and its opposite can help transform it. As William Ury writes in his book The Third Side: "Human beings have a host of emotional needs- for love and recognition, for belonging and identity, for purpose and meaning to lives. If all these needs had to be subsumed in one word, it might be respect".
Sana does an outstanding job communicating the importance of respect to peace keeping and conflict transformation. I highly recommend reading it!
Closing
Words matter. I will go "out on a limb" and make a controversial statement to close. In consciously making an effort to communicate as discussed above, we go a long way toward promoting peace and harmony among our fellow man.
And if we don't? What happens instead? I would suggest communication begins to break down. The verbal interaction with our fellow man starts to close down. Is that it? Does it end there? I don't think so! For far too many, thoughts can then turn to "physical interaction." There is an alarming and growing number of people who communicate in ways that suggest they seek to impose their will on others. Ultimately, this can lead and has led to war ...
Let's band together and work to overturn this trend in the wrong direction. Let's consciously work to improve our efforts to extend common courtesies to those around us, show restraint and civility in all of our communications with others, particularly those with whom we disagree or find disagreeable. And, above all, let us show respect for our fellow man. Period.
Together we can make a difference!
What do you think? How do you feel about where we are in our world today? Please upvote, resteem, as you think best, but above all, please share your thoughts and feelings with the rest of us.
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