Break the stigma part 1- Dean

Abusive Relationship

I thought I would start off this section talking about abuse.

Usually when we hear about abusive relationships, physical abuse is what comes to mind. There are different kinds of abuse, financial, sexual, emotional and I could go on. I interviewed Dean about his experience to break the stigma of emotional abuse. I thought it was fitting to my awareness project because of how traumatic experiences can follow us in many ways even after it's over.

How would you describe your relationship with Liz?

• I was there to fufill her needs when she needed them fufilled

Has she ever used your feelings against you?

• Absolutely, when I told her I was'nt interested in just a sexual relationship all of a sudden she wanted a full relationship but then she didn't want one once I became comfortable and started to trust her

Were you ever afraid of her?

• I have some serious abandonment issues so once I had allowed her in I was afraid of losing her and she used that to manipulate me into sticking around

Did you feel controlled or isolated by her ?

• Very much so, I was so desperate for her affection that I would constantly be available to hang out with her whenever she wanted.
  I stopped hanging out with any friends at all...

I'm assuming your friendships suffered...

• Yeah, I maybe have a handful of friends left that were aware of the situation as it was happening and honestly most of them that were aware were pushing me to get out of the "relationship"

Have you ever been hurt physically by her?

• Yeah the one time. When we got back from a camping trip she took on a role of dom without discussing it prior and choke slammed me (or tried to I should say) into the wall.

Did she ever attempt to play mind games with you?

• Yeah all the time. She was constantly distorting reality saying she didnt say things that she absolutely said. She also pushed me to stay in the office position I was in even though it was adversely effecting my health, probably to keep me weak and unstable thus easier to manipulate.

Has she ever coerced you into doing something that made you uncomfortable?

• I didn't really want to hang out with her son since we weren't in a true relationship. I personally thought that it was kinda fucked up to put the boy through that by constantly lying to him and saying I was just hanging out and was just a friend.

Did you tell any friends or family while this was going on?

• You were literally the only one

Do you have any advice for others stuck in similar situations?

• Honestly for me to get out of that situation I had to hit absolute rock bottom and I then exploded out of the shitty job and the shitty girl. But it was all due to self worth, thats what made me stay and thats what let me leave. Do whatever you can to love yourself and make sure the activity doesn't involve your partner.

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