Lying About Domestic Violence (TW! DV, Suicide)
This is a pretty crazy blog post, but I am really hoping for some good suggestions and advice. I have a friend who is still living with his abusive ex because of financial and logistical reasons. They broke up only a month or two into a lease, and with 8 pets between them, finding suitable places to rent is a challenge.
She and I were friends, and I cannot tell you how many hours I listened to her rage and tear him down when they were fighting and eventually, broken up. She has bipolar disorder ( I suspect a misdiagnosis, but I’m not a psychiatrist) and few friends. I was worried about her, so despite the terrible, ugly, and untrue things she was spouting at me constantly, I tried to be an ear and occasionally try to bring things down to earth. During one three hour phone call she mentioned that she had bruises from injections at her doctor appointment. She said she was going to call the police and say he’d given her the bruises! I was pissed. I told her that wasn’t okay, and not to do it. She’d spoken before about wanting to make him jealous by bringing a stranger home “ to fuck”, and of killing herself “cause that’s what he wants”. Oddly, it was she who’d thrown pills at his face and told him to kill himself- she told me this, and my male friend confirmed it.
That had me seeing red. My male friend and I go back 20 years. I’ve known her for five or so. We all struggle with depression, and telling someone to kill themselves is atrocious, not to mention how much more so when you’re throwing a full bottle of prescriptions at them.
I kept contact after that just to keep my friend a bit safer. She’d already instituted a no visitors rule, so I felt I best keep my eyes on her. I hadn’t been allowed at their house in months even though I was still friends with them both. Kind of a classic abuser move on her part.
Fast forward to now.... She found out I was to stay the night at their apartment, after a long stretch of not seeing me. (She had stopped talking to me after I asked that she not speak to me about their relationship problems anymore. I was getting negative physical symptoms from months of her rabid, angry calls.) Before I arrived, she sent me a string of texts that went from inquisitive, to enraged and insulting, and finally polite again. Turns out she called the police and said he’d shoved her against the wall several times. I got to their place and he and I were waiting for the police in his room. Within minutes she burst in the door and started screaming at him. We both told her to leave, but it was like she didn’t hear us. I pointed out that she claims he’s harassing her, but she is the one invading his space! She is a manipulative bully that likes to play the victim. She was unsuccessful at getting him falsely arrested. This last visit from police is the fourth or fifth. My buddy has gouging scratches on his neck and collarbone from her nails which he did show the officer. He chose not to press charges. I am so sick about this. Domestic violence is a real thing and should never be lied about or covered up. I am angry that she is wasting resources when she is not in danger, and is muddying the waters. There are real victims out there, and when people lie out of vindictiveness, they hurt the truly victimized even more than the ones they are trying to damage.
I am a woman and have never disbelieved any friend’s story of abuse. I finally met the rare exception. I hope some law enforcement steemit users can give me insight, as well as any other friends out there that can offer wisdom. Also, for perspective, my boyfriend is also long term friends with the male friend and knows the woman. There is no romantic jealousy at play, fwiw. She is isolating him and I don’t know how to help. Thanks for reading.