Every decision you've made, has carved you into the beautiful peace of artwork you are!

As a bartender, I get asked all the time, do you have any regrets? It's such a simple question that can really make you doubt who you are as a person. Especially since I still get looked down upon as an almost 40 year old bartender. 

I've made all kinds of bad choices in my life, as most of us have. They run the gamut from bad relationships to too much partying. A marriage that lasted 7 months, and even not living up to my own potential. 

We face choices in our lifetime that seem to be the great decision at the time. In the long run, the self harm that decision has caused sets into motion a timeline of events that seem to be a maze to get out of. We're left reeling from caveat of emotions we deal with in that time. 

I woke up one day and looked myself dead in the eye In the mirror and asked "How did I get here"? The answer was simple, I took a wrong turn in Albuquerque. That's the metaphor I use when describing a poor choice I made. It's how I handled my situation, because it made me laugh.

Who are you?

Well it's pretty simple really, if you don't get to philosophical about it. When looking for the answer, simplify it. You are the culmination of every choice you made . Even from early childhood development. 

When you are old enough to start testing your surroundings, you are molding your own being. A child learning that a stove is hot, typically can tell by the heat or color of the burner. After maybe getting burned once. But as you get older, the warning signs are much more camouflaged.

I look at the major choices that I made which affected my life negatively, and I noticed a pattern. As I got older, the warning signs were much more clandestine and easier to miss. And I don't count listening to your parents warnings, because we just don't listen to our parents. Most of us really do learn on our own.

The Hot Stove

I remember my first serious relationship, I was 21 or so at the time. Met this beautiful woman I worked with, and we started dating. A year later we were engaged. I didn't see the warning signs at the time that the relationship wouldn't work, for example, her trying to change me as a person instead of letting me be who I am. Of course the relationship ended in complete chaos.

But after living through that nightmare and picking myself up, I hit the singles scene again. Something happened that I didn't do before, I started looking for that approval of her liking me for me. I quit hiding things she may not like, I just lay myself on the line. 

A few more relationships later, none of which ended as catastrophically as the first, I'm now with somebody who completely accepts me for who I am. I only needed to get burned once to figure out  what a real relationship is. I learned the signs.

Too good to be true.

Later I got involved in a business with an acquaintance. I had managed to save up some money over the years and was doing fairly well. This acquaintance, we shall call Tom, had a great business idea. Or at least the plan he laid out was great. Well I met my first snake oil salesman.

It was my first introduction to a Ponzi scheme. Thankfully I didn't get beat up too bad, but when your in the mid 20's, a thousand bucks is a lot of money. What I realized was. It was his personality that suckered me in. It wasn't that I doubted the plan, because I did. I didn't doubt the person.

After that run in, and my continuing bartending career, I have become an excellent judge of character. And I notice that the signs of fake people are getting harder and harder to notice as generations come up. I can't quite figure out why.

Somebody else will take care of it

The biggest lesson I learned as I approach 40, is nobody is going to make your life better except you. The town I live in is the perfect example, which is why I'm now a town board member.

We had a recreation ordinance passed on our local waters. When it was first introduced, I stayed out of the "small town politics" because I just assumed somebody would step up and take care of it. Sadly, nobody did. Nobody stood up for public rights like they should have. 

I learned a great deal about people taking advantage of situations and weakness. They then turn it into their own power trip. They get to play king of the land while running over the meek. Not on my watch anymore. 

I realized that I had nothing to lose. I could stand up for what I believe in, not be afraid to say whatever necessary for fear of repercussions. I had the ability to say "No! You're wrong!". After challenging this local group on a major power trip, they tried to attack me. They brought up all my past transgressions and tried character assassination. It didn't work.

See I learned as I got older that owning your mistakes, makes you free of them. It makes your conscience clear, and makes your character stronger. I was able to stand up and say things with a clear mind and not having to worry about them finding out about them.

I showed too much strength, I had a group of people talk me into running for town board, and I ended up getting voted in. Kudos to me I guess.

Every bad choice you've made is awesome!

Every single decision you have made, poor or otherwise, has molded you into what you see in the mirror. It has created a being that is resilient, powerful, thoughtful and wise. Own those mistakes, use them to make yourself a stronger person.

Do I have any regrets? Absolutely not, all my decisions were self destructive and I learned to reconstruct after the demolition. I learned how to build a stronger foundation and use my architecture to influence future decisions, hopefully for the best. 

As I approach 40, I can't say I will never make another bad decision. But I can say that the results of my decisions will guide me to be a better person overall. And it will make prouder of who I am.

So go out and make some life changing mistakes, by accident, it will be worth it as you grow older, I promise!

Thanks you for reading, and if you truly enjoyed this article, please follow me! I plan on sharing a lot more from a Bartenders point of view! 

All photos from freedigitalphotos.com