I Have More Secrets Than I Care To Admit
Who doesn't?
I thought I was the only one, some sort of machiavellian pussy, thinking that I need to hide myself from others in case I want to rise in power one day.
I was a stupid kid (stupid-er). The more I talked to people, the more I realized that society is built upon secrets and lies. The latter we understand why and we have all agree it's best not to talk about them.
Bu the former...
The difference is I openly say I have secrets. There are parts of myself, NO ONE and I mean N O O N E will EVER witness or hear about. It is what it is. I feel sad when I think about it, but I have accepted that.
Do You Share Everything With Your Partner?
Not gonna lie. Sometimes I envy the way some people seem to be open with each other. But when I meet both of them, I realize they are just playing a game. They don't know SHIT about each other.
They're just a figment of themselves. A reflection.
Being a highly manipulative motherfucker, I've had people confessing to me all sorts of fucked up secrets no one has ever heard. Push their buttons and they almost burst into tears, looking for forgiveness.
I don't really forgive people. I just accept them. Maybe it's the fact I forget the previous day quite easily. I would be a terrible mafia boss...
Anyway, what was I saying?
OH YES! SECRETS!
We all have them. We don't like to admit we do. Look next to you and that guy or girl sitting there (hopefully naked) has a whole world inside him/her and you will never get the chance to visit.
There are two kinds of secret keeping:
- Too much of a pussy to reveal your mind
- You want to protect others
Guess which one most people practice?
Perhaps I am being too pessimistic about this. I don't know, I guess there could be a tiny minory that is able to fully embrace the risk with revealing everything.
And please, before you comment "I DO THAT I AM SUCH A MAGNIFICENT HUMAN BEING", SUTHETHUFPCK!!!!!!
You are shit. Just listen.
I don't know if these kind of people exist. I hope they do. If you find one, PLZ GIMME!
Until then, I will settle with fat boobies and anorexic core. And perhaps underboob tattoos.
I am a degenerate, who cares!?
-Thatredbeardguy
You need to push me a little harder to get me to reveal my secrets.
Gin and some of my sweetalk and you'll be crying about your old puppy. Be careful what you wish for...
This is very relevant to me right now... I’ve become increasingly concerned with the subject of authenticity. People say they want honesty, but who the hell are they kidding? They want you to honestly be what they want you to be. They want you to say what they want to hear, and for you to mean it.
If I lived 100% authentically, I would be institutionalized in short order; and I am fairly confident you could say the same. Now, for people who play the culture game unconsciously, the discrepency just eats away at them from the inside, but they’re never overtly bothered by it, since their ignorance erects a flimsy facade of bliss. But for us... well, it’s quite a different matter.
You are clearly bothered by the fact that you would be rejected were you truly known, as am I. This next part I cannot speak on your behalf, but I believe that they are the problem 100%. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with me at all. All my “secrets” are natural, moral and of good will, however they fly in the face of cultural norms to an unacceptable degree.
However, I am not content to throw in the towel. I want to shift toward greater authenticity and lead by example (to whatever degree possible without martyring myself). Right now my focus is on political and relatonship anarchy, and trying to share ideas fundamental to an understanding of these essential aspects of mankind’s forward progress.
Being overly authentic tosses people into the deep end of the pool, and they can’t generally handle it. I resent them for this, and begrudgingly back off to coddle them through when I have the patience. I don’t know how long this patience can hold, however, as I do not feel their need for baby steps is justified in this regard; and I wonder if this represents a faiure of authenticity on my part that equates to lack of self-respect.
I strongly suspect this may be so, and am becoming increasingly convinced it is so. Should I become wholly convinced, it would represent an affront I cannot abide, and compassion will have to take a back seat to raw self-expression. This will not be pretty, and will undoubtedly be less effective, but should I perceive patience to be a de facto denial of truth, my primary commitment to the latter will trump all, come what may.
Although you didn't ask for it, I will give you advice: Seek out to play longterm games, with longterm people, for longterm gains.
Because you HAVE to play games, if you want to live a meaningful life. And I say that in a very serious manner.
Authenticity is about aligment with your core values. It's not what you think or say, but what you do. You (and I) should aim to DO the damn thing.
You're right... authenticity has to be about action - thought, emotion, and action in alignment, to be more specific. This is the work. I'm working on it in earnest. Smallish steps, but steps nonetheless.
In way of trying to apprehend your meaning precisely, these games are necessary to bridge the gap between one's authenticity and another's ability to handle that, correct? Why do you emphasize "longterm"? What have you got in mind when you recommend this?
Also, have you read Dostoyevsky's Underground? I just recently listened to it on the linked audiobook and thought of you, as though it might be something you would appreciate.
Longterm games don't allow for fake individuals, as they tend to reveal themselves. You can't be unauthentic when you are involved with people who seek a relationship beyond the short-term (relationship extends to business, sex, friendship etc...)
Yes, Dos is the dog of Russian introspective literature. He is me if I was as talented.
Ok, makes sense. Very good. I’m glad you two found each other hahaha