When my hearing aid ran out of battery a whole new world opened up

Today I took a break from crypto and went out with friends to grab some food, a coffee, walk around and just disconnected from the craziness. I turned off my notification for the damn app ( guess who?!) and just walked around enjoying life I guess. It's too easy to lose sight of it all and was pretty nice until...my hearing aid beeped twice. That's the "I'm about to shit on your hearing warning". Whoever designed this was living in a fantasy land where people walk with a spare batter in their pocket or something cause this does not give advanced warning. You have maybe 20 minutes to replace the battery or...go without!

It's honestly impossible for people to understand how scary going without the aid can be for me and other like me. It's like someone simply turns off part of you and you can do zilch about it. Literally nothing. At the mercy of an aid, all you can do is accept and remind yourself that next time, have a damn spare batter with you. As it was, I told my entourage that this is it:
I'm about to be almost deaf in 20 minutes. Any last words?!
TURNING DEAF is legit description for the experience and what I noticed is that I felt no shame to say. In fact, I started to look forward to the whole thing. Paying attention and hearing can be so so tiring at times. Maybe I gave up, maybe I was legit interested to see how it will be. It's hard to say as the mind plays so many tricks with us..

The second and final warning came about 10 minutes later. That's IT I announced and took it off. We were going to the movies but I walked a little behind. I could hear the traffic around me but nothing else really. As I walked, a weird feeling of calm fell over me. I started to look at my thoughts and assumptions. Would it be so bad to be deaf? How would I deal?
I smiled at strangers and looked at my phone a bit. Talking with a friend on the messenger at times and walking towards the movie. Everything felt normal, natural even. Going bare wasn't THAT bad...

The movie was loud and with subtitles so I had no issue with it. I couldn't talk during the movie but everyone anyway hates that guy and I could focus on little things: the frame background, the little mimics of characters, the way they react to each other. Not hearing the soundtrack to manipulate my feelings, I could decide for myself what I felt. In a way, it was liberating. I walked out feeling refreshed and ready for the next adventure.

Well..the reality is though that not hearing is difficult and annoying. My friends started to make plans and it was impossible to follow and have an opinion. My lightness turned to dread and isolation fast. Burgers? Pizza? Where? Now?Who's calling an uber?
It became clear that a meal was out of the question for me. After all it's rarely about the food.
"I'm off" I said. No battery!

Everyone understood. I smiled and hugged everyone and walked home. Again, feeling good. Alone, in my world, everything was ok, no one else to communicate, nothing else to understand. A little like being in my own created world.
Too bad this meant, nothing new to learn, no new perspectives to enlight and challenge my path. Myself: amazing. Just myself: hell.

I went home and threw a new batter on and turn it on. A wave of sound and sensation rushed over me. The creaks of the floors, the sound of people walking outisde, a cat meowing. The water running over my hands and the simmering of food.
So much to miss and forget it's even there.
Later, a friend called me to ask me if I was ok. We could talk thanks to my phone-to-hearing aid new tech I just upgraded to. It was awesome.

I'm loving the sound of keyboard as I type this but I also loved my silent time. I just wish each was my choice, true choice not imposed by tech and damaged nerves.
I'm grateful either way for both.

Have a great Saturday all!