The great gender debate

I've been reading some of @veralynn 's posts regarding sexism and gender, and I'd love to chime in on the debate but I feel that I've missed the boat for most of them.

Great, I'll start my own!

Throughout my youth and adult transformation I've thought out, and been part a lot of gender ideals, mainly due to cultural standards and societal influences of the current time.

Let's start in my late teens on the cliff edge of being a young man. I was very handsome, and sporty at the time, and it was safe to say that I did have a lot of women interested in dating me. Yet the lack of any real strong father figure in my life left me completely inept with women totally, and most of the encounters that I had, if I didn't disinterest those lovely ladies immediately, it wasn't long before they took their shoes and started to run.

It wasn't my fault though, I was conflicted. My Mum had raised me to be this subservient and chivalrous being towards women all the while telling me that the only living male role model in my life at the time was a complete arsehole (my Dad).

Conflicted was an understatement. Through complete accident and no understanding, or knowledge whatsoever my mother had completely undermined my masculinity before it had even matured in an attempt to protect me from my Father.

It left me vulnerable. I was essentially prey to women (and weird men, believe it or not). The amount of times I've been groped, fetishised, man handled, asked outright to have sex with, inappropriately touched, inappropriately commented at from women begs not listing or I'd be here all night.

I blame the strong Feminist movement for the latter. Whilst I believe that women aim to do good, and achieve equality, which is great, don't get me wrong, I'd love for equality with the sexes, but it's essentially silenced a lot of men. Because coupled with our stiff upper lip and it's 'not right' to talk about our mushy feely peely stuff, it's damaging.

Men need to stand up and be counted. We really do. We are damaging our gender by not speaking out in the same fashion that women are, and no-one is hearing some of the victim stories I've heard of the 10 years of working with Mental Health services. We are terrors at waiting until it's too late.

It's not just women that get raped, men do too. I believe both sexes need to stand together in unity rather than seperately. It's a humanity issue. Not a gender one. I see the female movement making great strides, but I also see a lot damning us. Everytime I read about a female victim at the hands of a male, my gender inside dies a little bit. Because I see no equivalence. Men just don't speak up.

I literally fear touching a woman inappropriately. Fear it. How many women can say that they feel the same about men? Or even heard of a man calling it out for what it is? This is not rhetorical - I ask out of curiousity :)

And my early twenties was a mess too. It wasn't until I was 26 that I realised I needed to stand up and be strong. Which I did, but instead of getting in touch with my masculinity I went anti-women. Not that I didn't like women, just that I became a bigot for mens rights. Because I was unfairly treated by women, so ALL women must be bad, right?

And that too is damaging.

I know tons and tons of women now and they are all beautiful lovely people - when you base an entire theory on a few examples then it's not healthy. Life is so different for so many people. I couldn't imagine to have all the answers.

It wasn't until I met my wife. A lovely lady that had the willpower to stick a relationship out with me and watch me aspire to the awesome person that I am today, albeit old, fat and ugly, lol. Buuut I'm happy this way and I think that's all that matters, right?

She taught me true equality. It was hard at first. Because when she said:

"I don't like that you said that - it hurts my feelings" I saw that as an attempt to gain control over me. At first I felt as if she was suffocating me with her Feminazi (I hate this word) ideals and friends. I had lived alone for most of my life. A relationship requires mutual give and take. I didn't understand that.

It eventually stuck, though. Don't ask me how. I'm sure she knows though. I'm sure she found a way to ease it inside my thinking.

And this is why I think when dealing with issues of gender the movements would be so much stronger if women stood with men, and men stood with women. Because then there would be a balance.

I hope this will start a discussion, at least. Please comment. I understand that my perception is not the only one on earth! Please comment diversely and don't be afraid to speak your mind. Thank you :)