Picture me in my early twenties. What you see in front of you now is a somewhat entirely different person than what I once was. Okay, I'm quite a bit rounder, look a lot older and act a lot more tired but that's only because of the stresses of kids and Married life, and that I'm WAY more relaxed now than I have ever been. I had major anxiety issues in the past which kept me slim for the most part of my life. I'm a miracle. Not that I have been told this before but because I know it. I had been pegged by professionals to be found dead one day in my flat, alone, drowned in a puddle of my own alcohol-induced vomit. I read a note from a doctor once that read, "We'll need to keep this young chap close, I fear what will happen to him if he goes it alone" meaning that they didn't have huge hopes for me. Face down in a kerb on the side of nowhere was my planned life story by mostly everyone. Even my own family thought it.

Psych ward! Woot!

I spent two months in a secure psychiatric facility once. Think of it this way, I was amongst child sex offenders and rapists and people that really, really hadn't had the best start in life. I was sent into that ward as a lesson for spitting in one of the nurses' face on the ward that I was on; he told me at the time that it was the best place for me, yet I expect it was something more to do with his ego. Let me be clear, this was a place not much unlike Broadmoor facility (google it, you'll be surprised), and half of the patients around me had come through the criminal justice system, and although I clearly shouldn't have been in that place it definitely represents the struggles that I mucked through in earlier life.

I've pretty much seen a lot in that place. I can't say I've seen everything, but a lot. I've seen a guy whip out his hardon and tell one of the female nurses that they were 'going to get it', I've seen a group of people pile on a known sex offender and put him in hospital, and I've seen female nurses sneak behind set-in-stone rules to tend to their not-permitted lover’s needs. I've seen a lot, and through that I've learned never to judge, that everyone has their own demons that they are constantly battling with.

I was a drinker

I was a raving alcoholic. After work, I'd take myself to the nearest off-license to buy myself a three-litre bottle of white lightning cider; a cheap drink for the monetary challenged of us, very quick to the blood and a great way to let go of life's problems. There have been instances when I've just simply passed out from being too drunk. Both of my parents are alcoholics and didn't teach me to deal with my problems very effectively. My Dad and Mum have always solved any problems they've ever had by not dealing with them and getting black-out drunk. I was taught from a very young age that alcohol solves most of life’s problems and through that I took to cider when I was 12. Fucking 12, right? I know, I surprise myself when I write sometimes.

All through my childhood my Dad was non-existent, it was a shame really because I needed a man to help me deal and cope, life wasn't easy for me. I had anxiety problems and issues that some men just don't understand. I needed that help, but he was off 'being a lad' in his immature state. He didn't exist in my life through most of my single digits, and Mum, well, she was the empowering force in my life. I was Mums little darling, through her I learned a great feeling of self-worth. I was good at the things I turned my hands to; golf being one of them. I was once picked for the Scotland under-14's golf team. Alas, I was of council-estate stock and didn't have the aptitude to make it with the real golf pros. You had to behave in a certain way, I was too much of a livewire.

Low self-esteem runs rife in our family

Mum, although brilliant she was, had incredibly low self-esteem. Mum let men walk all over her in an eternity of people pleasing niceness. She has a humungous heart has Mum, but she was abused because of it. I like to recall a time when one man stole all of our money and left us penniless because of it. As she was my main parental role I adopted her incredibly low self-esteem, and developed my own set of anxiety problems. At 16 I started having extreme panic attacks and doctors just didn't know what to do with me. It was a time before mental health was fully understood. It wasn't long before I realised that alcohol helped me sleep and made my problems go away. There was a constant knot inside my tummy, that whenever I drank it smoothed out. The feeling was amazing, and thus, it deepened my connection with alcohol. You could occasionally find me really drunk in school.

Mum didn't help, either. Her affliction to alcohol deepened mine. She would sit in at night and get drunk, alone. She had a man in her life that contracted cancer and died within 6 months, the result was a shock and drove Mum deeper into herself. She spent a couple of years alone because of that, grieving, boozing her problems away. Thinking back, I could really feel her loneliness, longing to feel the touch of her lover that was so cruelly taken away from her. Life wasn't fair I expect she thought. It didn't help that she would tempt me to stay in with her with a bottle of my very own cider. I was escaping by hanging with my friends all the time, she wanted some company. I get that now.

I took the blue pill

Drank since 12, had a social circle of boozy mates, parents were alcoholics and lived on an estate that promotes extra-curricular drug-like states, I was well and truly fucked for life. As a young boy, I was top of my class for most things but since taking the blue pill I slipped into a life of drugs, booze and petty crime. It was just by a fluke of nature that I landed up in the psych ward. It didn't change my life being in there but it woke me up to the sheer injustices the world can throw at you, it made me realise that perhaps I was living a lie and my life wasn't too great, perhaps I needed a change.. I mean just look at the people I'm in here with! I am the first in the family to be admitted, that's for sure.

Life continued from there on an even keel, not really making any progress until the second time I nearly destroyed my life happened. Let's just say if I hadn't decided to make a change then perhaps I would have ended face down in the gutter. I sat there thinking, wow, something needs to give here, people are making something of their lives and I'm still what? A kitchen bitch in a hotel that earns £5 an hour? That's not right, I should have a career by now. I lost that job shortly beforehand for your information, but that's not the point I was trying to make. I decided to make that change.

All change!

From there a series of events happened that led me to changing my life beyond all recognition. I'm writing a book about it, if you're interested, stay tuned. I volunteered my time to a charity first of all, after all, I was unemployed and I had nothing else to do. That charity put me through college, taught me to drive and gave me an education to go out there and teach people. It was where I met my wife, and she broadened my horizons in ways that I couldn't imagine, in ways that I didn't even know existed. She had a mind that was amazing; well read, well balanced, well experienced, and nearly a first in her Staffordshire University degree, which is one of the better places as I understand it. I hadn't really thought about learning since I was 14, and she came along, retaught me the excitement of going for my interests, feeling a passion to do something and that to get something you need to work hard for it. She's fucking amazing, a mind that casts a shadow over mine, that's for sure. I took to history; learned the ways of the Ancient Greeks and Romans, got in touch with a lust for medieval history and a burning desire to question past events that lead us into our beliefs today. It's where I naturally progressed onto Psychology; I found I had a natural love for people, and through that I landed a prestigious job in the charity sector that would have me known in a thirty miles radius, not that it matters though, what matters was the work that I was doing. Giving spark to those that needed it, like it was given to me.

I write, because I am one with it

Later, I discovered my absolute love for writing; a small blog where I vented my day, turned into an international waypoint from people of all walks to read and learn. I write emotion, I make people feel, I try to help people discover the internal awesome within them to give life a better shot at life, I help, I try. I've been doing it for at least four years now. To say that I have grown as a writer would be an understatement, I'm now really excited for the future. I feel a horizon coming into my life like a dawn of a new era, a new part in which we as a family are going to grow exponentially, at home, here on Steemit, and on my website. Life is good currently.

Am I a miracle walking? Yes. Yes, I feel I am.

What's your story?

Thanks for reading :)

Thanks to @arbitrarykitten @thepinkbyhamann and @harrietbradley for requesting this!