Guilt Resentment - How it Affects Your Relationships

Guilt is a terrible thing. For most of us, our guilt causes us to have problems with self-esteem, self-confidence, and can lead to all kinds of emotional disorders such as depression, fear, and anger. Most of the time, our guilty feelings arise when we fail to do something that we know should have been done in a better way. We get frustrated when we make a mistake or do something that is out of alignment with what we want to achieve. Guilt then kicks in and we either feel slighted for whatever we did or are angry at ourselves because we know that we could have done it a lot better.

There are many things that trigger guilt. Some of these things are even hard to identify since they are so deeply rooted in our psyches. However, there are certain incidents and experiences that seem to happen on a regular basis for most people, and these seem to play an important role in how we feel about ourselves. For example, I have had friends who felt very guilty about not following their dreams.

Another person who experienced guilt regularly was my mom. When I asked her why, she said that it was because of all the pressure from school and from her other family members. One of her closest friends was also guilty of feeling guilty for feeling like they weren't good enough. She was always guilty for thinking that she didn't measure up to other people. These people were my mom's friends, and she would go to them for comfort when she was feeling down.

I used to have this very same experience with my own guilt. I know that it was different because I felt guilty for things that were not really my fault. However, I started to notice a change when I became more mature and learned to set the record straight. That is when I began to really feel bad for what I did.

It is natural to feel guilt sometimes, but it is unhealthy and should be controlled. If you feel guilty all the time, you are sabotaging yourself and others. This means that you are causing problems for yourself and everyone else around you. Instead of feeling guilty for what someone else did, learn to feel guilty for what you do.

Guilt resentment causes us to want to punish that person. We want to make them pay for their 'crime' by hurting them. In fact, this is what most of the world believes in - if you do something bad, then you should be punished. This is actually a form of slavery and an act of revenge.

Instead of focusing on what another person did wrong, concentrate on what you can change about yourself to become a better person. Focus on what you wish you could change about yourself. How are you treating your body? Are you eating a healthy diet or are you overweight? Are you exercising and keeping yourself fit?

Recognize those things that you can change so that you can eliminate your guilt feelings. Don't focus on the negative things any more. Rather, just notice them and work on changing them. Your life will become more enjoyable. You will realize that you are in control of your life and not the other way round. This realization alone will make you feel much better.

It is very important to avoid focusing on how other people are feeling when we are experiencing a bout of guilt. We don't want to start criticizing or belittling ourselves to such an extent that it ends up in our relationship with them. If this happens, then we have a problem and we need to seek help from a professional. They will be able to assist us in getting our guilt feelings under control.

Remember, that everyone gets angry in their life sometimes. That is normal. When the anger is directed at ourselves, it becomes guilt and that is where all the problems begin. We must learn to put our anger into positive channels and not be critical of the other person at all.

Sometimes the only way to get to the bottom of a situation is to be brutally honest with ourselves. If we are guilty of what we are saying and doing, then we need to own that. If we hide it away, then we are being selfish. We will have to work very hard to change our thought process so that we can admit that we are wrong.