This is such a heartrendingly honest post. I grew up with someone who was a victim of childhood abuse and your words actually made me tear up because it reminded me so much of things my adopted sister used to say. The unending burden of the emotional scars left by PTSD from abuse are horrific and something that no one in this world shoud have to suffer.

I’ve been trained all my life to break apart and feel I’m the cause of every problem. That I will never be good enough to truly deserve his love, or anyone’s love for that matter.

I'm sure it feels completely impossible to ever reach the point where you can break this conditioning but I'll add my voice to say: 'that it wasn't your fault. You deserve love and respect.'

I've battled depression all my life so I have a slight understanding of rumination and that negative voice that can't be silenced despite everything you try. Reasoning with it doesn't seem to work, working with it seems fruitless but I've learned over the last 5 years that I have to just keep battling against the negative self image and the voice telling me that I'm worthless. The battle is hard but over a long time it is kind of like I have put a muffler between myself and that voice. The volume has been switched down some. I only tell you all this in the hope that a sharing of my experience may be of some help. Also, you were so open in your honestly in this post that I wanted to respond in that spirit.

Much love @miraimage thanks for sharing your thoughts and experience :-)