Embrace solitude
Human beings are made to live in a society. As much as we hate other people, we still have a lot of fun when we find the right person to spend our time with. We're social beings and we enjoy the company of others, especially if they have a lot in common with us.
But for some people, the presence of others is more than a "necessity" or "desire", it's an addiction. As a short example, I had a former class mate in high school, a girl, that was in a relationship with a guy who was treating her like crap. Most people knew he was cheating on her. One time when I was together with that girl her boyfriend called her and I remember her spending 30 minutes saying nothing but "Okay, mhm, sure, yeah, okay" and nothing else.
At the time I didn't understand why she was still together with him, mostly because my desire to find people and spend time socializing wasn't big at all. I don't like other people THAT much and I like to keep my circle of friends really small. Even if I'm completely alone, I don't really crave for social interactions.
But now, years after finishing high school, I finally understand my former class mate - she was unable to give up on something without having the certainty she'll get the same thing back. She was terrified of leaving that person out of fear of being alone.
That desperation of not being alone, of constantly being with someone, especially loving a person (and hoping to be loved back) is becoming more of an addiction rather than a necessity or desire. You see people all around the world being in relationships they hate simply because they hate being alone even more. They'd rather spend their time with someone they dislike rather than spend time with themselves.
And I don't really know when this happened. I mean, I remember that when I was young, being in a relationship wasn't such a big deal (or that least that's how I saw things back then). If you had a boyfriend or a girlfriend, good for you, if you didn't, well, you just had to look for one at some point in the future. People weren't willing to spend time with any random person and say how much they loved them out of fear of being alone.
Yet today that's changed. People don't know how to be alone, they don't know how to embrace solitude, how to have fun on their own or how to tame their thoughts in order to not "suffer" because they're not with someone. They just desperately search for people to spend time with them no matter how bad those people are.
My advice for you is to not become one of those people. Learn how to embrace solitude and don't be afraid of being alone. Once you experience that with a different mentality than "Oh God I hope I don't upset everyone around me and remain alone!!!" everything starts being a lot better.
I personally spend most of my time alone and I quite enjoy it. I also need social interactions and whenever I have the time I go for a coffee with someone I like, but it's not an addiction. I don't need other people as much as others and I'm really happy about that.
I get to choose my friends with caution, I get to do whatever I want whenever I want, I have absolutely no obligations towards other people (other than basic respect for other human beings) and I don't settle with being around bad people simply because I hate being alone.
Embrace solitude and make sure you don't do stupid things just to be with other people. Choose your friends carefully, spend time with those you like but also learn how to have fun on your own. Never put your happiness in the hands of other people, and always make sure you can make yourself happy.
This can help you go through life a lot easier, have way better relationships and not suffer as much because of other people.
I have always enjoyed my solitude and in turn often seek it out more than people. I have had people like this in my life who need other people despite how they treat them. It's as if they are so afraid of change that even the constancy of pain is better then the fear of the unknown and lonely times.
Whenever I do have a social moment, I enjoy it, but then need a couple days afterwards to just be alone again, as if to recharge my solitary battery ;)
Unless we are happy and can find joy when alone, I don't think we will ever have it with others.
Good post. I'm a new follower now too (the social aspect of the digital age is great for introverts!)
The last time I had a friend that depended too much on my presence, I had to force some sort of a "fight" in order to let them go. It was stressful, unpleasant at times and not helpful for them.
It's like they cannot see life without someone being near them. Plus, some of those people can seek so much attention, it becomes tiring really fast.
Solitude is most of the time the best thing I can get. I talk to someone every day and go for a coffee with an old friend once a week, but other than that, spending time in my room, in silence with headphones on my ears is a lot more enjoyable.
There's just something about being alone that makes it so great.
If you've been out in a city for a long time, with cars driving around constantly, you know the feeling of relief you feel when you finally get home, take your headphones out of your ears and you hear nothing. Complete silence.
For me, that's a lot more enjoyable than being around ten people every day, surrounded by noise and conversations that are boring and repetitive.
Glad to see I'm not the only one thinking this way. And thank you for the follow. The social aspect of the digital age is indeed great for people like us. Instead of having to deal with constant noise and the "obligation" of being educated and not leave whenever we don't enjoy the company of someone, we can simply stay away, at a good distance, and talk with those we choose.
Sometimes having a screen as a "shield" against all the people who constantly want your attention, and not having to hear them talk, can be great.
Nowdays solitude is also concidered as sign of depression for no reason. If you like to be alone, there is automaticly something wrong with you. Social overload is new normal for some reason.
Sadly that's true, and I don't understand why. Just the way some people love interacting with other people, others hate that and would rather be alone.
I've been shamed many times for spending most of my time inside working, learning or just playing all kind of things simply because I did not enjoy the company of others and I never really understood why.
I guess people simply don't get that there are others in this world who don't enjoy spending time with them and would rather sit in their room doing the things they love.
Everybody are saying they appreciate diversity, but it usually means that they appreciate the way of life they live and can't understand that someone rather do opposite. It is easy to say that let everyone do their thing but it's different thing to really understand.
Exactly. I guess that's just something to deal with and we should just do our thing and let other people judge us because there's no way for us to change their opinion.
I'm glad @escapist tipped me to your writing, I really enjoyed reading this. Resteemed this also because this goes so well with my own thoughts about spending time alone, you just write about it better :D
Thank you, I'm really glad you enjoyed it! :)
There's one quote of A. Degas who said that:
"I'm fine by myself, but I'm not a loner. I'm looking for others by choice, not by fear of loneliness, and I choose who to stay with... Because we are made to be with a few".
I think you would identify with that and so I do. Good post. :)
That's a really nice quote and I identify with it indeed. I enjoy both being with people and being alone. I like the company of others but I also enjoy the silence and the calm of solitude. Socializing is overrated in a lot of cases. Being alone is just as good :)
I love to have people around me but I just don't like most of them as a person. I'm a entertainer and I need my audience. Kinda fucked up huh?
Not really fucked up, I understand what you're saying. I also enjoyed being around people mainly because it was easy to make them laugh, and it made me feel better about myself. I didn't need to like them.
This will pass once you find people you like, who will also be your "audience". Then it's gonna be hard to be around people you don't like :)
I already have people who I like and they try to tell me the same as you. The problem is that I like to do my thing with "stupid" ones. It's easier with them and majority of all people are the "stupid" ones so I think it's smart to know how to be able to read and control them. I'm not saying that I want to control people but at some point in life that skill might become handy.
Oh yes, it does come in handy a lot, especially in situations when you have to deal with mediocre people who aren't smart enough to do the right thing.
Manipulating people feels great and it's even better if you do it well, because then people never get it and you can just make them do whatever you want.
It is indeed fun. It may become boring after a while (depending on what type of person you are). It's exciting to see that you can make a smart person do what you want despite them being sure you'll never do that, but mediocre people are just as fun.
I stopped trying to manipulate and read people because it becomes pretty time wasting after a while, but I guess we both know you never actually stop making people do what you want, no matter how much you try. Old habits I guess.
Well, keep having fun I guess if that's what you want! :)
I'm not a bad person, I just have had my part of the shit in life even when I didn't deserve it. All I want in life is to be happy. I don't know how I will accomplish that but I'm working on it.
Don't worry about it too much, few people are actually bad or evil.
Trying to achieve happiness is a great goal (even tho almost no one has any idea how to achieve it), and as long as you're not hurting others trying to get where you want, then you shouldn't have to worry about how you do things (or what you do) :)
But I think that I am hurting others.. If I do as I want, I hurt others. If I don't do what I want, I hurt myself.
"Even if I'm completely alone, I don't really crave for social interactions." - this is basically me... i dont crave social interactions, i can be alone and happy, nothing like netflix and chill, where your chill partner is a hamburger from McDonalds :)
I completely agree, those days when you just watch episode after episode or just a bunch of movie while drinking coffee or tea, eating something and feeling cozy between your blankets, are often a lot better than spending time with people.
That, or video games... depends what you like :)
For me it's definitely gaming and smoking for those days.
nice writing...
Thank you! :)
Spot on! six months ago I move on my own breaking up with my girlfriend I was worried about being alone. A new job, new home, new town. Now I love the isolation (not quite isolation but you know what I mean). I feel great and although I am slowly meeting people I am enjoy the peace and solitude. I have definitely learnt about about myself and developed massively in a spiritual way it been great. Whereas I am eager to meet someone else I am in no massive rush now! 💯🐒
Suddenly being alone after you've spent a lot of time in the company of other people can be really hard, I'm glad to see you got used to it and even started to enjoy being alone :)
Yer it was not easy at first and would like some company now but making connection slowly 💯🐒