Navigating a Mid-Life Crisis and My Advice to Young People

A year, 10 months, and 13 days ago, I entered my 40th year.

It was like a giant hand reached down and hung a huge rearview mirror in front of my face and floored the throttle.

Photo: Gary Bridgman

Hello mid-life crisis!

Memories

Suddenly, I started thinking of things I hadn't thought of in years like the house where I grew up and the kids I grew up with.

I reflected on being the child of my parents and all the things that just passed me by growing up...like I had forever and it would always be just the way it was only better because I could stay up late.

I thought about school. I even looked up a couple of my elementary school teachers on Facebook and contacted them. I didn't hear back from one, but my 5th grade teacher, Ms. Gallimore added me back.

She was instrumental in helping my mom and I through the tough diagnosis of Attention Deficit Disorder. I treasured her for that. 

Sadly, she didn't remember me. She only knew I was a student in her class the year Christa McAuliffe was to go into to Space...1985-1986. She unfriended me at some point...probably for saying something crazy or profane. 

Photo: NASA.gov

Past love interests play through my mind on repeat. It is maddening. There were decisions I made so that later in life I wouldn't have to wonder "what if". Now here I am wondering what if I'd done the other thing.

Am I insane?

Regrets

I never thought I'd be someone harboring regrets, but good googly moogly...I feel so bad about EVERYTHING.

The first boy who showed real interest in me was perfect in every way. He was cute, he loved me, and he wanted to marry me. I wanted to marry him too...until I didn't. 

Our relationship was 6.5 years of his mom dictating to him the right time. He proposed to me at 3.5 years, and we just couldn't seem to set a date.

I have this thing about forward momentum...stagnation cannot happen.

Also, it didn't help that I liked girls. 

Still I wonder...

The girl after him was my deepest love, but I was not hers. 

Photo: Ballpoint art by me

After her came the emotional and mental abuse.

Then...now. They all just play constantly in my mind.

All the Other Stuff...

Stir in a little crazy school stuff, being a Christian, church, and it becomes overwhelming. 

I guess that's the best way to describe a mid-life crisis...overwhelming. 

In the center of it all my mind is a machine spitting out statements and questions:

• Did I screw up my life?
• Is this all there is?
• I'm scared.
• I'm lonely.
• Don't show this stuff to anyone.
• Hide!
• How can I fix it?
• How can I fix me?
• God help me.

On and on and on.

My Advice to You Youngsters

I say "twisted" because I'm nowhere near having any of it figured out.

When I was in my 20's, people gave me advice and it never resonated. I couldn't relate. I don't know if it was just the wrong advice or if I was too scattered to think it through.

Whatever the case, I constantly feel like I mostly made the wrong choice at every fork in the road.

Photo: JD Hancock

Oh yeah, the advice...

When you make a life altering decision, drop everything and think it through. Write, diagram, do whatever it is you do, but consider every scenario carefully.

If the decision you are about to make alienates you from your friends and family, stop. 

Unless your friends and family are toxic, you will need them your entire life.

When you start something, finish it.

When you stop loving someone, make sure it's time to stop. Can you pivot and love them again? Love is a daily choice and it's not an easy one sometimes.

Learn about money and finances.

Don't take out student loans if you don't have to.

Sleep on frivolous purchases. Weigh the pro's and con's.

Speaking of sleep...get adequate rest.

Nuture long relationships.

Don't leave groups that you do active things with on a whim because you'll find yourself doing nothing with no one to do it with.

Pay attention to technology and build your skill set accordingly. Learn to code.

Make sure what you choose as a career is something you excel at, and that doesn't make your soul die every time you walk through the door.

Focus on your interests and passions.

Don't drink too much.

Don't think of food as more than fuel for your mind and body.

Discipline yourself.

Don't let your heart do the thinking. That's what your brain is for.

If you tend to gravitate toward negativity, feed your soul positivity and flush the negative through a creative outlet.

Develop your talents. Everyone has talents.

Give of yourself.

Don't be an arrogant douchebag, but be confident.

I'm Sure There's More...

...but these will do. The world is yours and you have a path to choose upon it. 

I pray God's richest blessings for you. 

When you reach your 40th year, I hope your rearview mirror only holds all the things you did right.