The Taboo Of Abuse - Have You Suffered?
When you look at the statistics surrounding abuse, it's MAD.
1 in 4 women and 1 in 6 men will experience domestic violence. 1 in 6 boys will experience sexual abuse. 1 in 14 children will be subjected to physical abuse. And this is not including the emotional and psychological abuse that people may not even realise is abuse. Or what about all the incidents that go unreported? What of the cultural abuse that is inherent in some societies - like the Indian society I come from? To beat your wife or kids is practically standard behaviour. Wars are also acts of abuse.
Humans are abusive. Abuse is statistically 'normal'. It's everywhere.
And yet, people don't like to talk about it.
Because it's such a taboo, many people still think they are alone, they suffer in silence and in shame.
If that's you - please realise you are not alone. Please realise that you have nothing to be ashamed of. It's not your fault and there is nothing wrong with you. In fact, I see people who've experienced such trauma as being some of the strongest people to walk the earth.
If you would like support in healing from abuse, feel free to email me at [email protected].
I am currently working on an online programme to help abuse survivors build their resilience and bounce back from trauma and offer a lot of free resources and information. Having been on my own journey of healing and growth for over a decade, having worked with numerous people who've suffered, I have gathered a thing or two about how to progress, how to take back your power.
I am not a psychotherapist, I am not a clinical psychologist or a counselor. But I am a human who gets it. Deeply. Working with tools from psychological, spiritual, behavioural and emotional stances, I know that healing is totally possible - I live it. And you can too.
<3
My father was physically abusive to my entire family when I was about two years old. I don't even remember it.
I do, however, remember him screaming at my mother when I was baking a cake at 7 AM as a 3 year old (yes I made cakes as a 3 year old, it's a skill I've since lost) and him flipping out when he came home at 7 PM and my mom was still cooking dinner. Far more recently, he's been emotionally abusive and made me feel like quite the failure for being unable to achieve perfection in my academic pursuits.
Most people don't understand the extent of what abuse as a small child does to you. I currently have depression and a constant fear of failure because I used to do incredibly well in school (having not received a B or 80 - 89 % grade until third grade is mildly miraculous) and if I got anything other than an A on my report card my dad would freak out and ban me from things like playing video games or watching movies for weeks at a time. I was once banned from reading for a short period because I had a project that I ended up being a grand total of one day late on. The depression came with the sudden realization that I was no longer even capable of getting the kinds of grades I used to.
Emotional abuse is probably the most painful kind.
Hey Justmagikkal, thanks so much for sharing your story. I totally feel you. And I bet MANY other people do too.
Yes, many people say emotional abuse is worse than physical. It really gets into the psyche and of course as a child, your brain is still developing and very susceptible to these influences. And from my experience, you then spend your adult life trying to unlearn all that bullshit!!
Did you ever have any kind of therapy? If you're open to sharing, I'd love to hear how it impacted you.
Also, a book that is really amazing - Complex PTSD, From Surviving To Thriving, by Pete Walker. You may already be advanced in your healing and growth so it might not add anything new for you. But might be worth checking it out :) xx
I never had therapy for the emotional abuse, but rather for the depression.
Personally, I think my psychiatrist sucks at his job. Therapy hasn't helped me; separating myself from my father, on the other hand, has worked out very well.
I'll take a look at it :D
Hope you find something that helps, I actually hear quite a lot about therapists who aren't that good - a little worrying! I am working on creating a course on resilience - how we bounce back from trauma. I actually never had therapy but did get some coaching and have relentlessly worked on my own progress for 11 years. I think we all have it in us - well, research shows that we do!
wishing you all the best xx
Oh, and cakes at 3 years old? EPIC! :D
apparently my mom taught me how to make a cake and I started making them at like 7 AM and then she had to unteach me because my dad freaked out XD