Can you love an adopted child like your biological child
If you can love an adopted child as well as a blood child, it is a question that many parents ask themselves . The answer is as complex as giving a definition of love or explaining how, how much and why a mother and father want their children.
Let's not fool ourselves. Love begins as an idealization that arises from a cultural issue, and in all its aspects. Love in itself grows and develops over time . Its nature, the nature of any relationship, depends on many issues and factors. And this does not exclude love between parents and children, be they biological or adopted.
However, does he throw blood as much as they say? Does the biological factor influence the love one may feel towards a child? Can psychological barriers arise in love? Does the maternal or paternal instinct overcome the biological situation?
If you can love an adopted child as well as a biological one, it is a very delicate question that many parents are afraid to face. And those who approach it openly expose themselves to be harshly criticized. But, deep down, doubt exists.
From the American Adoptions Agency explained that one of the hardest parts of the transition of having a biological child to adoption is that many people wonder if they are going to love an adopted child as much as a biological child. As they explain, although it may be more difficult for parents than they can imagine, it is possible to love an adopted child as well as a biological child.
From the agency appointment they explain that every time a father or mother feeds, changes, bathes, embraces, kisses or catches a child the attachment grows and a bond develops . This link between parents and children has nothing to do with the fact that the child is biological or adopted, but with the experiences they share.
However, even though you can love an adoptive child as well as a biological one, the situation can change when you have adopted children and biological children.
In an article published in The Guardian in December 2007 entitled A different kind of love , Kate Hilpern says that, after asking adoptive parents about whether their love for their children had changed if they were biological, most responded with a resounding no. Hilpern says that some were even offended by the question.
However, asking the same question of a person who has biological and adopted children is a question that puts them to the test, "an issue that goes to the heart of what it means to be a father," as Hilpern says.
Hilpern picks up the words that Rebecca Walker wrote in her Baby Love. The writer explains: "
I do not care how close you are to your adopted child or beloved stepdaughter, the love you feel for your non-biological child is not the same as the love you feel for your own flesh and blood." Walker also says: "Yes, I would do anything for my first [non-biological] child, within reason. But I would do anything for my second [biological] son for no reason, no doubt. "
The testimonies of those who affirm that it has taken them some time to really feel that they are mothers or fathers of children who have not conceived, and that the relationship has taken time to consolidate, are not lacking. On the other hand, many adoptive parents feel so guilty of not feeling that love and connection that never come to consolidate a true father / son or mother / child relationship.
Our society is in love with the idea of love , of the illusion of immediacy without effort. This can easily be understood in relationships, but it occurs in all kinds of relationships, even with children. But to come to feel a true love relationships have to develop and you have to give them time to grow.
Some people have more ease than others for relationships. It can be a matter of empathy, hormones or culture. We can even call it "maternal instinct". Naming it will not change the fact that a relationship needs time.
Let's be honest: genetic inheritance plays a fundamental role in the love you feel for your children. However, that does not mean that you can not love an adopted child in the same way. In fact, there is no universal way to love children, or a better way to love them.
Yes I can, I know how it feels to be left alone in the world and no one to fend for you. Adopting a child who has no idea who his/her mother is not to talk abt the father is lonely. Even if I later have mine, I will still love the child and take the child as my first child. Because the child made me feel like a mom first before the ones that came from me and I will never let the child know him/her was adopted.
A really sensitive topic. You can actually love an adopted child that way, but it becomes harder if you don't have one of your own.
#Realexperiences
It is possible to love an adopted child as much as you will love you own biological child. But like you said, let's not fool ourselves. It's not as easy as it may sound.
This is a topic that I’ve discussed with my mom before. And honestly I don’t know how to answer it. I would have to be placed in that situation to know for sure if I could love an adopted child as much as my own two boys. I would like to think yes I could but I really don’t know.
Hmm... This is an extremely deep one @phunke. I love all your points, especially the last where you talked about the myth of first love. I must say that personally, I don't think I would have an issue with an adopted child, but I never can tell...
Something might happen that would make me change my mind