Mad Ecstasy

I would like to go mad on one condition, namely, that I would become a happy madman, lively and always in a good mood, without any troubles and obsessions, laughing senselessly from morning to night.

Although I long for luminous ecstasies, I wouldn’t ask for any, because I know they are followed by great depressions.

I would like instead a shower of warm light to fall from me, transfiguring the entire world, an ecstatic burst of light preserving the calm of luminous eternity.

For from the concentration of ecstasy, it would be all graceful lightness and smiling warmth.

The entire world should float in this dream of light, in this transparent and unreal state of delight.

Obstacles and matter, for and limits would cease to exist.

Then let me die of light in such a landscape.

E.M. Cioran, 'On the Heights of Despair'
https://www.amazon.com/dp/0226106713/ref=cm_sw_r_tw_dp_U_x_BPIlAbA6BX54C