I Have Never Loved Anyone...
Say what? Are you really so heartless and emotionless? Well, fortunately NO! I have felt my heart thumping and pulse racing whenever I saw the one I said I loved... but now that I understand what I'm about to explain to you, I can't honestly say that I ever loved anyone. It sounds very harsh and sad at first sight, I know, even I was scared at first. But perhaps there's a twist of hope that can be found in the end.
If you're familiar with the Jungian concept of projection, then you probably know what I'm about to say. If not, then read on an find out. In essence, when we relate to other people, we project onto them the image we hold of them and of ourselves in our minds.
Example: Say my partner tells me that I'm beautiful, but because I haven't been feeling like that (recently or overall), I don't believe that what he says is true. So I might respond as "Oh you're just saying it to be nice" - projecting my low self-esteem, instead of "Thank you, you know, I've been feeling that way, too ;)"- affirming how I feel and that I hear how he perceives me. So the way I see and relate to myself is then projected onto what he says, and interpreted one way or another. Makes sense?
Having said that, it doesn't matter what anyone says or does, I will simply interpret their actions from my point of view, projecting an image onto them that I hold of them in my mind. And that's what hit me the other night when I woke up at 3 or 4am or whatever ungodly hour it was. Since human psychology seems to be designed this way, then every time I thought I was in love with someone, I was simply in love with my IDEA of him not with him! ALWAYS! I stayed awake wide eyed in my bed... in disbelief! And then it went on...
Even now that I know this, I still can't ever be in love with anything else but my idea of him because I can only relate to the world based on how I interpret the world in my mind. So everytime I said "I love you' I actually lied! Unknowingly, but what I was saying wasn't actually true. I should have been saying "I'm in love with my idea of you <3" - which sounds utterly ridiculous of course but everything points to it being true!
So I wonder, next time I say "I love you", can I even say it believing that it's true? Don't get me wrong, I'm sure I will feel the same kind of rush as I had felt whenever I was in love but knowing what I know now, I can't come to any other conclusion than the one I made.
Now here's the twist - I will still treat him with love and appreciation, and most likely even more so than in the past because I won't hold him responsible for how I feel, since it is my own little/big movie playing in my head. My own idea of LOVE.
Have a LOVEly Sunday
Interesting - the interplay of our feelings quite complex
Once understood, it actually makes things far more simple. Leaving each and everyone of us responsible for our own feelings and life
Devastated by a breakup - is it more about your self image and feelings about yourself - or is it more about your loss in not being connected with that person in the future
Actually, the breakup took place more than half a year ago and I wouldn’t say I’m devastated by it (even though it may sound like it). This is more about realizing that I feel pretty powerless over the idea of “animus” (my ideal man) I have created in my mind due to my conditioning... I can give you a clear psychological profile of me and the type of guys I feel attracted to, I understand why and the whole nine yards... but my heart just feels what it feels and I can’t rationally direct its feelings. So I surrender this process to a greater power than myself and trust in LOVE.
I'm in love with with the idea of projection.
:) yep, it’s all just one big dream... 💫✨
Lovely - and true.
And, taking it to the ultimate, since from a spiritual standpoint there is really only one of us here anyway, every time you say "I love you," you are really saying it to yourself.
Just as every time you say anything disparaging or less than loving, you are really doing so to yourself.
Which is, of course, the real meaning of the Golden Rule, that the reason why we only want to do unto others as we want it done to us, is that whatever we do unto others, we are quite literally DOING unto ourselves, in a very literal sense.
I always liked the idea of recognizing and saluting the divine in one another, be it with Namaste, or in Catholic mass, saluting the God in one another (not being Catholic, I don't recall the precise phrasing).
Which, in a real sense, is what we are doing when saying "I love you" to anyone, whether lover, child, parent, friend, or self in the mirror.
And, from another standpoint, we are also saying, "I love the me you show me through your eyes," which is just as important, and can inform our being, as well as who we ultimately choose to become.
Nice to make your acquaintance. I like your thinking, and feel that we may have a lot in common. Particularly as we are all One. ;-)
Thank you, @crescendofpesce! Yous said everything that needed to be said :) Nice to meet you, again!