You touched on some very controversial issues in this post and even though not everyone would agree with you, I can see where you are coming from but, what would you say about people who punish themselves every time they do something wrong? would you say they should mete out same treatment on an erring person as well?
I feel that we love differently and therefore loving people the same as we love ourselves might not be the way forward. I feel that we should first of all understand what love is to us, and to others for we are a flawed race (humans). Then we must seek to show that love both to ourselves and to others as well. For love in itself is one thing, we are the ones that vary.