Giving Yourself a Boost and Start Feeling Better
Is my tummy filled with anxiety? I've probably always been frightened of meeting strangers: worry of not understanding how to connect, fear of not being accepted, loved, judged, looked at, etc. Contrary to popular belief, I force myself to interact with others.
My communication is difficult. My contact is frightened! But I wish I could meet them spontaneously without asking questions. Could this innocent word hurt me? ETC will show me that certain words have secret meanings—but we'll discuss that later.
Despite my nervousness, I got out of my car, entered the hotel, and found my room. A tall woman with colourful glasses smiles at me. She appears pleasant, so I'm reassured. At least for now, that one won't consume me.
She introduces herself. After learning she's the trainer, I decide to wait until the end of the day to decide if she's nice: don't ask me to speak in public and she'll win points!
After receiving the badge and file, I pay the organisers for the day. I watch the people and room while waiting for the person in front of me. Being one of the first here soothes me. I can get comfortable, choose my seat (first row: fewer people will see me blush if I speak), and establish my own bubble.
The room is filling up, but I'm in my bubble, smiling, and telling myself everything is wonderful, that "I'm not even afraid"!
The day of revelations begins... I repeat—“revelations” is fitting!
The trainer starts the party: “Look at the workbook on page 1. List everything you want to change about yourself and how much. A precise list is proposed. If asked the question verbally, I would have given fewer answers. As I work through the practise, I realise I want to modify several things. Much more than expected. Unbelievable. This worries me: all these changes are big. Very lot. I understand the task, are we sure?
I was hypnotised by my sheet and thought, “Now that I have checked three-quarters of the page, what should I do?”
Well, I turn my cheek and take the first slap today. I'll keep it brief, but "the lovely trainer" turning "the harsh trainer" says: "You stated, thought, pronounced "would want" to change this, that? Nothing will change! Not more complicated ". My frozen smile fossilises.
You mean nothing will change? I feel panicked and my guts are considering ping-pong.
Do you provide tissues for crying?
To modify your life and transform what worries you, you must first accept it. When you say “I would like”, you mean “I want to, but I am afraid of”. Fear resonates with you. So accept your fear, observe it, and welcome it without judgement.
If you don't accept your fears and concerns, you'll never achieve your goals.
Minute, minute... If I follow the logic, “I would like to be fulfilled” becomes “I want to be fulfilled, but I am afraid”. Fear? Be fulfilled? I'm light years from acceptance. The concept eludes me.
With my cheeks on fire and me slumped in my chair, sleepy, I'm trying to make sense of this.
“The trainer who became evil” explains spiritual acceptance (the revelation is growing closer, open your hatches wide): observing, noticing, and welcoming an emotion, even if I don't agree or understand. Since fear induces control of this emotion, non-acceptance will only provide brief relief.