Do you remember your first relationship? How in the beginning all those emotions took your breath away? How about when it came to a close? Was it a fiery end to explosive passion or was it the peaceful passing of understanding?
It's funny how we run head long into our first loves, how we battle hard to keep something that we want to never end. I remember my first life partner with a mix of fondness and exasperation. How for the first year I couldn't see, hear or believe of any wrong doing on her part. The strongest memories being of wondering where I had gone wrong, instead of questioning g our suitability. I remember how for a long time we were both aiming to build a life... Well at the least that's how I used to see it. Oh how quickly and easily that image shattered...
To this day I am still surprised at myself for allowing the lies the bind my decisions. So many friends lost simply by choosing to remain blind to the realities that I knew were crushing me.
I would tell you it was a relief, when I finally allowed myself to break away from the dis-functional mess we had bound ourselves to, but the reality is I hated the idea I had wasted those years for nothing, so for awhile fought even harder for something that was well and truly over. So easily captivated by her I regretfully allowed myself to think that there was still a spark to build a fire. Even through the lies and the cheating I allowed myself to think that the world would right itself in our favour.... Which as expected, never did.
So just a couple years down the line, another relationship has come and gone, yet here I am reminiscing on things long over. I would be a liar to say I didn't In some way wish I could go back to the start of it all, but I would be a fool to believe it could ever lead to a happy ending.
How do you remember your first love? Does it sit fondly in the past or is it Glady lost to history?