Hold It In and Keep Things Simple

in life •  3 months ago

Sundays...
I don't have much to say.
This art here is worth roughly one thousand words.
I'll let it do the talking today.

NoNamesLeftToUse - Hold It In.jpeg
Hold It In

But I Should Probably Still Say Something

Normally I'd have some rambling prepared the night before.

Then I wake up early, take care of a few important things like drinking coffee and sitting on my ass while I enjoy what the world sounds like far away from civilization.

I think I know more animals than people.  These ones don't want to hang out though.  They just sit up there on the tree branches with their feathers and wings, acting cool.  They won't let me be part of their club but I still consider them friends.

There's one troublemaker I need to deal with.  We need to have a talk.

What would you do if one of your friends came over and took a dump on your vehicle?  How would you handle it?

I'm not impressed.  I'd get it if we were all drinking last night.  Shit happens when some friends drink too much.  That I know because I've seen it before, everywhere, huge mess, and I was happy it wasn't my house.

I was just sitting there, this morning, admiring my clean dirt bike.  It's a nice day; hot, calm, no rain clouds.  Riding that bike is my hobby.  Been doing it since I was nine years old.  That's my favorite thing to do in the whole wide world.  So why would one of my bird friends swoop down from a tree and shit on my seat?

Of course I'm going to take that personally.

We've all heard of a drive-by shooting.  This was a flyby shitting.

If I clean it up, would that mean I'm tampering with evidence?

Maybe I should leave the police out of this.  Snitches get stitches, and these are my friends.

That's my Sunday

So far.

I hope you're enjoying yours.
Enjoy the art.
Have a nice day.

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Credits:
All art and images seen here were produced digitally, by me.
"Sunday! Sunday! Sunday!"

© 2018 @NoNamesLeftToUse.  All rights reserved.

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The bathrooms may not be well marked. The birds need a sign saying 'Bathroom' or they'll just drop it anywhere. Maybe try calling it the 'latrine'. Then, to be safe, put another sign on the motorcycle that says 'motorcycle'. That should solve it.

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That's a good idea. I forgot birds know how to read which is ridiculous because Big Bird taught me about letters and stuff so how can I forget? Jeepers....

Do birds shit where they eat? I could sprinkle seeds everywhere on and around the bike. Instead of shitting on it, they could then come and clean it up.

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That's true, all birds can read. I'd forgotten too, and was thinking that you might put up a post, somewhere where they could see it, and at the top stick a drawing of some bird shit, no language needed. Might work, and would be easier than writing 'shit here' or any such elaborate wording as that.

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So are you saying I should: Build a Shit Post?

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Not a Shit Post, but instead, at least a dozen of them, so the birds can decide which ones they like.

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Then I could manage a whole flock's worth of shit!

I'm just thankful cows don't fly!

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They do if you eat the mushrooms they poop out. Some of them even change colors.

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Lmao 🤣🤣

I know this post is supposed to be funny, but I was to reply seriously, because I feel there is a carpet of bitter truth underneath this story.
Once I mistakenly lock the cat of my flatmate in my room.
When I came back, she left as big surprise a great shit right in the middle of my bed.
I breathe in, laughed hysterically, started to prepare a washing machine and that's it.
No anger for that cat. Don't take things too personally. It avoids you loads of stress. I'm an anxious person and I know what I am talking about.

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Of course this is serious! A bird shit on my seat! Can you believe that! A bird! My seat! Shit!

Damn birds and their bombs. They can't let a good thing ride. Always looking to mix it up

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I think I need to get a security alarm of sorts. Maybe I should install a cat on the seat...

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Gaffer tape a cat to the bonnet! Oh wait, that might not be so effective. You might just end up with a shit-caked cat

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I was thinking of using bungee cords but I'm not sure if that's the humane way to do it or maybe they make kitty-safe tape? Too bad they don't know what the word stay means. A dog could probably handle this mission but I don't think that's how nature works. It's not like meat cookies are swooping in from the sky and that's the only thing a dog knows how to hunt.

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Perhaps you could get naked, smear yourself in PVA glue and then roll around on a barbers floor and then bungee cord yourself to the hood of your car and pretend to be an angry cat!

I think we could be onto something here!

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It's a bit too hot outside to be wearing faux fur coats. People might think I'm weird if I did something like that and I hear enough chirping as it is.

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You are right, scrap the hair bit!

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I'll just do it naked.

I happened to see your picture under this music


It totally made the colors move... or was it the smoke the man is puffing out? If that's it, then it's the good stuff he's doing :P

Oh, and as you said: Shit happens!
Next time why don't you poo on their branch? maybe that will teach them!

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The music makes my art seem sophisticated and I almost feel like wearing a trendy looking scarf now.

You're right though. Shit on their branches and wipe with their leaves. I don't feel sophisticated anymore. Thanks.

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Deep down we are all primitive savages, the trendy looking scarves are only a decoy :P

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That's true. They probably use those scarves to wipe their ass when nobody is looking and because the place ran out of toilet paper again.

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That's why trendy scarves always come out patterned...

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It's really not that hard to figure these people out.

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Fortunately no, I dread them like the devil dreads incense (Greek expression), can't stand them and keep a safety distance from them.

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I carry a beating stick.

At first glance I assumed this guy was exhaling, but the title suggests inhaling, so he seems to be taking in his life force. Looks like a keyhole behind his ear with a worm crawling out. All this bird talk got my eyes seeking one out. That blue dot up there almost looks like an eye - a bird inserting the worm, or removing it. So he is inhaling his life force, and the birds are taking it from him :)

I had a Muscovy duck that insisted on sleeping on the porch outside my bedroom door and pooping there all night. I had to constantly hose it down. I threatened him a few times, but he'd look at me with those crazy duck eyes and make a hissing sound and I was completely in love again. Anyway, he was right outside the glass door of my bedroom the night my daughter was born on the other side of the glass. The next day he flew off and never returned. I guess he knew he was replaced, or that I really didn't have time to hose his poop down anymore.

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I think if I would have gone with the original plan and shut my mouth about my day, maybe more would have noticed the art. I don't know why I must insist on murdering my art posts every time. This one goes along with a few others and I'll be writing up a series of posts to go along with it, eventually.

Those people who said the stork brings the babies were on quack, because it's actually a duck who does it and you have proof in the form of shit stains.

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LOL! That makes sense. Ducks are so lovable, of course they bring other lovable things. The shit they drop is just a preparation for parenthood.

I like reading about your day. I'm just easily distracted, so when I look at your art and read I incorporate the two. I'm sure you have better art interpreters than me :)

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There are probably professional interpreters out there attempting to figure out how the words and art are connected, which is why they don't vote. They don't teach rambling in school. The title and name of the art are connected. It would be nice if birds could just hold it in. I googled why birds shit on things. They're marking places to land with their flashy white excretions. My bike isn't land though and someone should teach these damn birds the difference between rocks and things I like kept clean.

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Maybe put one of those fake owls on it. The owl might catch some of the poop.

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I found this thing at my dad's farm during a flood.
WIN_20140703_093548 (2).JPG

I had no idea what it was until now.

It's a shit collector.

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Is that a Garfield shit collector? I think Garfield might like that.

All these farms you talk about. They sound nice.

My brain was fuzzy, when I was scrolling I saw the thumbnail as a fetus in womb

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It's hard to tell that's a nose from way out there.

They don't know it but they are your friends - you said to the birds
She Doesn'r know it but she wants me - said the boy to the girl

....... I think I get it now ;D

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It's not creepy at all. Nope.

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That's the idea :-)

Are you sure that this wasn't a frame job and they just want you to think your bird friend did it?

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I can only hope this world doesn't have a big enough jerk who does that kind of thing to cool birds.

Perhaps your friends are eating too much. Someone is feeding them too much. LOL

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That reminds me... I think I have some extra rice kicking around somewhere.

What would you do if one of your friends came over and took a dump on your vehicle? How would you handle it?

I would take a dump on them! Right on their face! I would get them so dirty the sheer weight of the dump would prevent them from flying ever again! I once did this to one of my friends, a mosquito, she tried to suck me dry during the night, i was trying to sleep so i took a dump on top of her and told her i had learned this strange black ops tatics with the birds!

BTW... the mosquitos that suck your blood are indeed female, the males get their nutrition from trees and fruits,etc... just wanted to had some actual content to my comment

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Posts about shit that turn into facts about mosquitoes are exactly why we need shitposts.

What would you do if one of your friends came over and took a dump on your vehicle? How would you handle it?

Just one dump? I think I have a bigger problem. These everywhere dump taking are my wife’s friends. Now that I have to feed them, I also have to wash our backyard from all over dumps every single week. When I say “enough, no more feeding” she says “you don’t love me anymore, they are my friends! 😭”. And we are back where we started. She has her friends and I keep washing their dumps. Recently, I upgraded from garden hose to power wash.

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Well I'm no marriage counselor but maybe try using the hose on the wife? That might help.

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🤔 hmm I think I will stick to my once a week power wash routine and hope that one day she will realize they are actually not her friends.

It takes only one dump for her to realize

just like in your case.

You need to get one of those motion detector sirens. Those things are so loud it would scare the shit out of it before it got to the bike.

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There are so many birds here though, always moving, I may as well just buy a siren and leave it on 24/7.

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lol, but that would be annoying too.

I had one that would sit on the edge of my truck window looking at itself in the side mirror. Every time I would go to get in the truck there would be bird poop running down the side of the truck door. I think the bird was nuts, it would sit there and just peck the mirror for hours....

There’s a hawk that keeps flying over my dogs. I don’t think it can pick them up but I try t scare it away all of the time. The first time I did it I came out the next morning to a car peppered in bird shit. Fucker.

I’ve been wanting to get a dirt bike. What’s a good used one to look out for? (I’m poor)

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Do you have any experience on two wheels? Get the cheapest bike you can find if you don't have experience. Anything that runs is good enough for a first dirt bike. I have a Honda CRF450R. Most people I know can't even get their leg over the seat.

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Nothing with a motor.

I most likely need something street legal. Thinking about buying in the winter to find a steal.

I will spend a long time with that friend. He has ever used my work. So I will never refuse anything.

Can the picture be said to depict someone attempting to hold in the garbage flowing out of his mouth? If so, might be useful if more of us took the hint.

He's failing; his very essence is being sucked out by the vacuum surrounding him.

I think you should forgive your friend because once in a while we do shit we can regret later. Maybe he feels sorry? You should have a chat with him, he probably has a lot to say, it seems like a call for attention to me.