Day Six: Fur Babies and the Cult of Personality

~meet Molly. She's 7. Thank you Jared S. for sharing your photo with us~

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People love their pets, myself included. To many people, the little four legged critter is more than just an animal. It's a family member. These animals live their entire lives feeling loved and respected. Sometimes the pets seem to have it better than most people on this planet. These animals sit around all day being lazy. They don't just get their food, they expect and sometimes demand it. Nobody ever tells them to go get a job, they're just too damn cute.

Pet ownership, generally, does not offend too many people. Sure, some people have allergies. Maybe a fear. They don't typically view pets and pet owners in some sort of negative sense though. Yeah there's that crazy lady down the street who threatens to kick your pooch, but let's just continue to ignore her. There is a group of pet related evils out there though, and I'd like to take a minute. Just sit right there. I'll... --->shed<--- some light on the situation. (See what I did there?....)

Anyway, this group I speak of. So dark and evil. So good at what they do, you might not even notice. It took me many years before I picked up on it. As they increased in numbers, it became more clear. I can guarantee each and every one of you has at least one somewhere on your social network. I'm talking about the Fur Baby Cult. The most dangerous group to hit the pet scene since Bob Barker began initiating pet genocide in the 80's. Smile, that was a joke, everyone loves Bob...but the Fur Baby Cult is no laughing matter.

So who are these people? They come in all shapes and sizes. Young and old, skinny or fat. It's almost impossible to know, unless you pay attention to their social media habits. One of the most glaring indications I've noticed would be their silence on social media. Sure they might share their family photos and tell us they hate their boss, but for the most part, you will never see an opinion come out of them. Rarely will you see a comment come out of them. That is, until they see a picture of a dog. Almost immediately you will read something similar to, "OMG!!! What a PRECIOUS little fur baby!!" It seems as if a love fire ignites within their soul and they must unleash these magnificent flames of glorious good vibrations. Everyone else says "awww," or tells us a quick one liner story about their dog, which seems completely normal. The Fur Baby Cult member only wants you to think their love cannot be matched. They love pets "better" than you.

The photos they share. Yes, the Fur Baby Cult makes it obvious they have a pet. Analyze these photos. Why does that dog always look sad? It's dressed up in bows and ribbons, nice sweaters, little booties. How can a dog be so sad knowing full well it is completely decked out in the latest fashions? Shouldn't the dog be making the ducklip face thing? Isn't that how this works? I mean, what else do bitches do before they go clubbing? The dog is sad because it knows the truth. It's not going anywhere. Pets don't need social media to pick up on the cues. They get it right away. "My human is a fucking psycho...I mean...'Woof!'"

Anger. The Fur Baby Cult is a very angry breed. For instance and example. Locally, here where I live, those in charge recently constructed a new dog park. Fences, a playground for the kids, the works. Apparently one of the Fur Baby Cult members found screws and nails "where the fur babies play." They were on facebook immediately. Commenting the details within a localized group for local city complaints, where else. In their mind, an evil anti-dog villain came along during the night and sprinkled the field with menaces. Picture a really old man with obnoxiously long finger nails. Dressed all in black except for the shoes. Blue with white Velcro straps, probably. He did this on purpose to harm the poor innocent "fur babies" of course. I mean that's only logical right? There's no chance those screws and nails were accidentally dropped during construction, oh no. Only dog haters would do something so heinous. Many other Fur Baby Cult members caught wind of this post on facebook. They chimed in their two to three cents. A call for action was announced! They wanted cameras in place and guards working all hours of the night. To the Fur Baby Cult member, any person who is not with a dog is a potential threat. If you do not have a pet, this means you either hate pets or simply cannot handle the responsibility. The Fur Baby Cult member will often remind people of the responsibilities in a way that makes it sound hard. Only people like them can do it. Everyone else is unfit for the job.

The kicker. Hi there, are you in search of the most obscene human harming dog video on the internet known to man? Well then look no further than your local Fur Baby Cult members facebook page. There you will see cops shooting dogs. Cars running over dogs. Dogs in hot cars, about to die. Dogs drowning. Dogs being kicked. Dogs, dogs, and more dogs getting the shitty end of the stick at the hands of humanity. All, in the name of love and awareness. They can only be found there, so act now. If you're one of the first two hundred callers, they will include: cats falling off tables, cats sprinting into glass doors, cats caught in trees, cats getting the living shit scared out of them, cats just doing their thing. Because you know what they say, "Seeing a pet in pain, makes me feel sane."

All that being said and known. I find myself asking...myself, "Why are they trying so hard to show everyone how much they can love their pets? What kind of nasty funk did these people do in their lives?" The rest of us, we just hang out with our pet friends. We don't have to prove anything. We don't call them fur babies. They all have a name, and we respect that.

@nonameslefttouse
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