Another Rough Day: This was almost an 'I Quit' post.

in #life7 months ago

I think back to all the times I quit something, when I start feeling like it's time to do it again.
The feeling of stress melting away.

Briefly.

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A quitter is often viewed as a failure.

Yet it takes a lot of courage to give up something you love.

I must be going crazy.

So this is what crazy feels like.

I guess it's not too bad. I feel like I've lost everything.

Comparing this feeling to back when I suddenly became what I'd consider to be wealthy, practically overnight, leaves me feeling quite confused.

I was so nervous with all that money. I honestly don't know what I feel today but I'm not as tense, that's for sure. I can look someone in the eye and know they're not just talking to me because they want something, so that's a relief.

So strange. I had everything I wanted. What I worked for had paid off. At the same time, I had nothing, along with everything I didn't want.

They say money doesn't buy happiness, and that's fine, because it's probably true, but I wasn't trying to buy happiness.

Does money buy depression? I sure lost a lot and I don't feel very good. Is feeling down and out really this expensive?

It can't be the money. I felt like shit before I got here.

The opening line to this post — before I deleted it and went for a walk — was something like:

I spent four years slowly killing myself and only realized it today.

It went on:

I spilled my blood all over this blockchain... for nothing?

That's where I stopped...

To think.

I think the loudest voice on this platform right now is the one being quiet.

I go for my walks around this community, daily.

I'm seeing folks who haven't lost anything even close to what I've lost, going nuts. There are some folks out there posing the same arguments under every post they find. Same words, same people. Different post, different day. Same words, same people. It's been going on like that for what feels like weeks now.

I could add up all their potential losses and it still doesn't come close to what I've lost. What I've lost, or, what I feel like I'm losingit's so much more than money.

I don't have the courage to quit and it seems like many out there don't have the courage to start.

I had given up on life before I arrived here. Once here I was presented with a challenge. I needed that in my life. I needed to spend thousands of hours working on art most people here haven't even seen. I needed to put my mind in a place that allowed those funnies out. I needed that response after and I needed to not feel alone.

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Untitled Mystery

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The part about having the same conversation every day hit me.

I have a discord it's been raging through this entire thing.

While I have some serious thoughts on this whole situation there are times not adding another voice to the screaming is a fine decision.

I appreciate your serious posts as much as your fun posts.

I haven't been too loud about that stuff and it's not because I don't care, it's because I care too much.

I hear ya.

Nice red alien/fish thingy.

Thanks. That red alien/fish thingy took all day to be born.

There is only so much nonsense one can take before having to take a bit of a step back and doing something else. I am tired of the screaming of some people - many of which haven't stopped for years, no matter the conditions.

I could probably list off a few names and you'd nod your head yes. Some folks put far too much energy into going nowhere. Some act like they're saving the day... meanwhile hundreds are annoyed and leave, then hundreds more.

I was in a fantastic mood when I came back. All fired up with a big smile. LOL... now I'm just like w-t-f?

Don't despair too much, as whatever way it goes, new opportunities present and that means, new inspiration to paint

It's annoying, that's all. I get annoyed.

I saw arguing under a comedy post. I'm seeing some contradict themselves saying one day they don't need this Justin guy, then they lose a delegation and suddenly they act like they can't live without them. I never liked those delegations and knew many would take it for granted, rather than building up a strong and interested following.

It's like I need to write the "How To Steem' post again... but then I'll just be shot down by those who assume any sign of actual success and progress here is based on shady tactics and foul play... but I and many others who chose the legit approach put thousands of hours into this and the advice would fall on deaf ears. People would rather preach the same narrative over and over and over and over and over again.

Everywhere I go someone is trying to convert me. Gotta be on that far right or that far left to be part of the flock. Common sense was thrown out the door weeks ago. People converted their once interesting blogs into propaganda machines.

Good people are leaving every day. Replaced by all this noise that is going nowhere. Provocateurs and trolls are applauded. It's like the blind leading the blind. Everyone's yelling and nothing gets done. It looks exactly like real world useless politics. People are paid top dollar, to do nothing but talk in circles.

The delegations were always going to end, though no one expected them to come to a close this way. as I said on that post, it is falling on deaf ears I fear. I don't fear it because I want they get the delegation back, but rather that they are still trying for the delegation at all. As I wrote a few days before about this eventuality, gotta stand on your own two feet.

What are they trying to convert you into? Or do you mean those religious fanatics? ;D

Whatever is to come needs to be significantly better than what was lost.

I expected it. No matter who, what, where, when, or why; I knew it would be ugly. Months ago I saw another brainiac writing up a 'How to save Steem' post (because let's always turn a blind eye to those who managed to make it work and never ask them for advice, always assume it's broken if people can't get the ball rolling on their own) where they wanted to give damn near everyone a handout, just for showing up. I called it welfare that day. It's so bad here that everyone needed to be on social assistance? Nobody wants to work? I didn't make too many friends that day.

Why would someone invest if they can just get millions worth of a handout? Why would a casual consumer want to invest if someone will simply bail them out? How can one outpace inflation if the inflation is used to provide more inflation? I've been talking about the consumer driven model being neglected here for, years, yet that's where the money is to be made in the entertainment industry. An industry seemingly most folks here don't even realize they're in.

You say 'eventually' people have to stand on their own two feet. I say they should know how to walk before they even get here.

I'm concerned whatever comes next will be more of the same. Always moving the goal posts and changing the rules to cater to the needs of those who can't score.

I called it welfare that day. It's so bad here that everyone needed to be on social assistance? Nobody wants to work? I didn't make too many friends that day.

Workless wealth is what I call the disease... Money for nothing doesn't exist - even with digital money.

You say 'eventually' people have to stand on their own two feet. I say they should know how to walk before they even get here.

This was more for the applications. But I agree - there should be no children here - though there seems to be an abundance.

I'm concerned whatever comes next will be more of the same. Always moving the goal posts and changing the rules to cater to the needs of those who can't score.

We will soon find out.

We will soon find out.

Shit just got real.

Stop inspiring me to start writing again, dammit.

Who me, I'm never sarcastic…

Anyhow, there's a good chance I'll be out of work soon thanks to the pandemic, so maybe I'll have time to write again.

Pay close attention to recent recent developments. This place might only be bots, spammers, and reward pool milkers — soon.

I'm watching and waiting for more info about the proposed migration. Looks interesting.

Pretty much every post is 'an almost quit' post for me.

Endless battling to be noticed on here, building a community, writing content that is different (and hopefully more interesting for non steemians) to the usual 'whats going on with steem' post every dip shit and their dog write on here.

It honestly makes me want to burn it all to the ground sometimes... but I'm a stubborn cunt.

You know that I know exactly how you feel.

Aye... it's a ball ache. I yern for the days when I used to see so much more varied content on steem.

Still, it may recover... says the eternal optimist 😂

Etched my thoughts about the situation on the blockchain. Moving along. Admittedly, my motivation has dropped lately to post. I really have no excuse though, because I can feed my blog from my website.

here something to cheer you up :)
image.png
Victor Central Shopping Centre. Photo: Dani Brown.

That's good, and I did chuckle. Would be funnier if there was shit smeared all over the glass though.

It gets wiped over hourly with Corona virus.

I just starred for a good amount of time on the this picture.. It looks like this fish was suffering and probably closed to his death.. Somehow a helping hand picked him up to feed him with energy so the fish can continue being a fish and do, what fishes do. Beautiful.

Maybe the fish is you, thinking to quit here, but your audience didn't want you to leave :))

This is one of those pictures that says 1000 words. Words I'll never say. Maybe even words better left unsaid.

Spent a lot of time on that one. Thank you for spending a lot of time on it.

I'm afraid to hit play. That looks like noise pollution! LOL!

It's Pete Gabriel ;)

Not even Pete Gabriel can save me now. Whatever the fuck that means.

What I've lost, or, what I feel like I'm losing — it's so much more than money.

I think it's this feeling that has been irritating me to the point of struggling to concentrate on anything (never mind work that I really need to be doing).

Hopefully you can hang in there either here (maybe things will get better? I'm an eternal optimist x_x) or there (wherever there may be).

I hope the comment convos are doing something to alleviate the lonelies :)

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