I am still a virgin and feel stuck. Should I have sex with a friend just to open mmyself up?

in life •  7 months ago

Excerpt: we carry so much guilt and shame about our sexuality, and that causes us to live in doubts and fears. External actions while may release stuck issues should ultimately be addressed from the inside.


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Hi,

*I am 26 years old and have never had a serious, intimate relationship. When I was 10 years old I had an unpleasant experience with a guy but I don’t feel affected by it (I only remembered it 5 years ago).

For years I have been deluding myself that when I meet my ONE everything will be all right; now though I am beginning to wake up and realize that that is probably nonsense. Therefore, I decided to ask a friend of mine, whom I don’t love and am only slightly attracted to, to have sex with me.

Although he was surprised and it would be technical without much love, he agreed. Nevertheless, after we started I could not go on. I was afraid that I was making a big mistake; that I would regret it for the rest of my life; that I would suffer.*

*Is this really the solution? I am very confused and worried.

The people around me don’t understand why a good looking, intelligent and successful girl is still alone. I am tired of living like this. Is there anything that would help me open up?*

Thank you
Beatrice


Dear Beatrice,

You have put it quite correctly – something that would help you open up – for you understand that there is an unseen shield around you that keeps a natural and unruffled flow of life from entering your reality. You have put some mental blocks around you that no longer serve you in making your choices in life, and they need to be removed. Let’s discuss them one by one.

First, understand that your past has no influence on your present unless you choose to give it that force. That is, if you believe that a sad event from when you were ten years old must be the cause for your current misfortune or bad luck, then that is exactly how you will experience your life. Many people go to psychologists or psychiatrists or to voodoo men in order to cast away old spells from their past or previous lifetimes. The truth is, however, that you have the power to get rid of any past influence. You simply have to adopt the belief that the past has no influence and that what really matters is how you live in the now moment in your present.

Secondly – the sex issue. Again, you have decided to give your virginity a power that it doesn’t have. You have adopted a belief about your ONE, about a man that would one day come and fix everything including your sexual inexperience; accordingly, you have decided to wait for him and not to have “mechanical” sex with someone you don’t love. There is nothing wrong with such a belief and it served you very well so far. However, as time passed and that ONE didn’t arrive you began to adopt another belief that puts the blame for your single status on your sexual inexperience. You therefore feel that in order to get unstuck you must lose that heavy burden of virginity. When you tried to do that, old fears came up that caused you remorse and made you eventually pull back.

The truth, Beatrice, is rather simple. It is not a question of good or bad; nothing you can choose to do now has the power to rule your life or determine how your future will look. As I said, your life is shaped by your choices now, in the present; so if you choose now to have sex with a friend and by that you release the mental block that has so far kept you stuck, then that is exactly what it will help you with, i.e. releasing the block. If you don’t give the act additional powers that it doesn’t have then it will not stop you reaching a True Love life or meeting your ONE.

Sex is indeed a unique human experience that has the potential to reach deep spiritual, physical and emotional levels. Nonetheless, not every sexual act extends so far and that is perfectly OK! The “trick” is to learn from our experiences and adjust our paths to match what we really want on our way from victims to masters! If you don’t enjoy the sex with someone you don’t love don’t do it again. Don’t repeat the choice because now you know what it feels like and that unloving sex stands against your impulses and inner feelings. You have a clear and direct inner guiding system so use it.

Lastly, I would suggest you stop thinking too much. The fact that you are always preoccupied with your miserable situation or with thoughts about your loneliness stops the flow of life from coming in. When you consistently think “what’s wrong with me?” you build up walls around you that energetically rebuff potential suitors. You must take it easier. There is nothing wrong in being single or virgin no matter how old you are; there is nothing wrong in having problems with creating relationships. There is nothing wrong with you. The universe truly loves you and everything in your life has a meaning and wisdom that currently may escape you. Things will improve; you will have a wonderful boyfriend and you will achieve great benefits from the times in your life which you now consider unsatisfying.

In conclusion: Use those last statements to replace the beliefs I suggested you get rid of. Give it 30 days and then the changes will quickly be seen.

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26 years and still a virgin that's great listen to the advantage you have that most women don't have, you don't have to do pap smear every three years or one year or even every six months if they notice abnormal cells which can lead to cervix cancer due to a active sex life or multiply sex partners. No unwanted pregnancy you don't even have to worry about sexual transmitted diseases, so yes if you choose not to have sex it's your business and no one else.
Take this thought to heart i had a cousin who never had sex at 25 years but due to friends and peer pressure she did,and the first and only man she ever slept with she contracted HIV and died within a year, so take this advice and ask the creator to bless you with a good husband. When your right partner comes all fear and anguish will go until then be true to your self .

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I totally agree that one should be true to oneself. Nevertheless, the doubt comes in when one doesn't know what is true, who is this "self". There's a lot of guilt and shame revolving the human's sexuality. Let's hope not for so long.
Thank you for your comment, full of compassion.
And, I am sorry about your cousin. HIV is an unfortunate manifestation of the guilt issue I was mentioning.

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Thanks, i know but people feels that if someone is not sexual active it a curse.

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I know what you mean. And your voice is important to be heard 👍

Like your all posts @nomad-magus Thanks for sharing

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👍🌝Thanks for the feedback.