Life Update

I’ve been waking up at 5 AM these days. I’ve always been known to be an early riser, but this isn’t that.

‘I love the day time. You ought to enjoy the day and sleep at night and not live life the other way round’, I would say. Up until recently.
I switched jobs a couple of months back. From a 9 to 5 desk job, I switched to a sales job that let me do what I thought I loved best, talking to people. I went from place to place, meeting new people everyday; Making some friends on the way and selling a product that most people loved. The demand for this product is high and the supply… not enough. While the challenges of the work were fun to deal with, I started getting into trouble in office.

Misunderstanding, miscommunications, comments or remarks that left me disturbed.

Not being one to complain and rather one to hope for things to set themselves right, I let things be. Turns out that isn’t how you deal with life. Turns out you need to set things right yourself.

Now I find that I have been skipping meals, worrying about what another colleague of mine thinks about me, whether I’m doing anything right at all, and the constant mind chatter leaves me exhausted by the time I am back home. I am in bed early because I am exhausted. The traffic noise lulls me to sleep and when the noise stops at around 3 or 4 AM, my mind is awake again. I keep my eyes shut tight, hoping to fall asleep again, but the thoughts are back and running. All the things that need to be done and all the people I need to please.

There have been times I sit up in bed and look out the window at the empty roads wondering if I will achieve this months target. This isn’t self doubt or work pressure. This is the people pleaser in me telling me I can’t let them down.

I have watched the sky change colour every morning, with eyes that burn from lack of sleep but a mind that won’t stop racing through the past, present and future.

And now I wonder… What should one long for? A boring job that lets you sleep well at night or a fun job that leaves you sleepless?
A job that made you long for day light or one that makes you stare into the night?
A job that makes you mindlessly click on buttons and keys or one that won’t leave your mind at ease?
What must one long for?