Why it is not so important what others say and say about you.

As I have grown older I have realized that there is something I have lost too much time and energy in: worrying too much about what others think of me. The truth is that this became a bad habit in my life that I have been working to eradicate for some time.

I found that at times, my whole life was revolving around pleasing other people, this made me feel like I was losing control and that I did not even know what it was that I wanted for myself. I missed the focus of my existence, I put aside my own desires, my own dreams, my own aspirations to follow what others had for me, until I forgot them completely. I became an adult already without knowing who I was.

Now, thanks to some really negative "negative" experiences, I have been able to realize many things that I must correct, and this is one of them. Unfortunately, sometimes we have to get to the point of hitting us with life to open our eyes and realize and learn about what is inside us to be able to work and improve as people, simply because we are human beings.

Although we all live different experiences, I have realized that perhaps for very different reasons, or perhaps for reasons similar to mine, there are many other people who, like me , have been trapped in this horrible psychological hole of forgetting ourselves by living our life only for and for others.

It is true that it is normal for the human being to be important to please others, in fact it is a necessity, because otherwise we could not live together and function in society, the problem is when, in our mind we lose the balance and we give an exaggerated importance to please others, more than ourselves. I'm not saying we should be selfish, we should always remember to always prioritize love for ourselves, and not let other people's criticisms, comparisons and the valuation that others make of us affect it.

Keep in mind that the criticisms, most of the times come from the own fears and insecurities of those who issue them, so, many times they are not constructive for you because in reality from the beginning, they do not even have to do with you, but rather It is the other person projecting their problems on you.

There are times when close people, who love you and appreciate you, will offer you advice and guidance, with some timely and objective constructive criticism as part of it, that we all need, especially when we are young.When this is the case, when they come from someone you care about and who cares about you, listen to them, pay attention and apply everything that can change you for good, take advantage of what will help you grow and become a better person.
At other times, even our loved ones may also be wrong to criticize us and demand that we change something of ourselves to please them or do things as they think they are right. Remember: analyze and always take what is good and what is good for you to be better.

Also, if you have been like me, you will be able to realize that on many occasions you have given an excessive importance to the criticism and opinions of people that you know are not really relevant in your life.

Always take the good of criticism, if it is possible, the rest discard, especially if they come from people who do not really care about your welfare.

And very important, if you are compared with other people who according to them are better, or who do things right, do not let those comparisons affect you, or start in your mind to compare yourself, and think that it is true that you are inferior in something to those people. You are you, and they are them. Each one is different, and if you improve something of yourself it is to be better than the yourself of the past, not to be equal or better than someone else.

Comparisons are never good, if someone criticizing you starts to compare you with other people, that is a very good indicator that will help you to realize that this is not a constructive criticism, that it is not for your own good.

So live your life, not the one that others want you to live. Don’t try to please everyone, don’t think that being perfect is being in a way that you please everyone, we all have virtues and faults, and still with all of them there are those who will like and who will not. Perfection in that sense doesn’t exist, just love yourself as you are, and as part of that love, always work to be better every day.

Photo by Sander Smeekes on Unsplash