Finding the Courage to Change

in #life3 years ago

I have spent my life in fear of disappointing my parents. Recently, they disappointed me in such a way it became clear not disappointing them shouldn't be a priority in my life. I should be focused on not disappointing myself. So I took action to achieve a handful of dreams I've had for me but never pursued due to their judgement.

This owlet represents a piece of this--for now--mystery journey.
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This is hard to say in it's way, but it is such a relief that the wall is down. I have been locked up for so long, and knowingly! I have purposefully inhibited myself so as not to rock the boat more times than I can count. I have lived my life unsatisfied by the bindings of family. Not bonds. Bindings.

I'm not here to make any grand statements. I'm not "done with" my family. I love them and hope we will find a way to reconcile someday. However, I am not living my life with that as my primary goal. I love my family, but I also love me.

It is profound to discover that I am important. It is liberating to choose life on my own terms instead of based on my fear of someone else's. I've wondered when I would actually become an adult. I think this is the moment--when I break free from those bindings and leave tending the bonds up to those who have required it of me all this time.

I get to be my own person.

This makes me a better mother, partner, lover, friend, human and ally to myself.

It turns out it didn't take much courage. What it took was exhaustion. I can't pretend anymore. I can't curate my life anymore. I can't stuff down who I am until I choke on my hopes. I'm letting go.

My family always told me to let go of what you love. It will come back to you if it's meant to. I guess we'll see.

post and images by @shawnamawna

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Very nice writeup @nat5an
I learnt also not to let the family disciplinary rules and so much respect to stop me from realizing how much my future depended on my decisions and not theirs.
I actually broke away from home,travelled some distance to find out i had an admission in engineering,meanwhile at home they were against me leaving..but today i am an engineering graduate because of that step i took.

This is wonderful to read! Keep on pushing those boundaries!

Bonjour! C'est excellent et superbe !!

I love seeing people awaken to their true self. Enjoy your beautiful life. Can't wait to see where your journey takes you!

This sentiment is much appreciated. It has been an awakening, at points gradual and at points sudden. This step is one I am truly joyful over. Can hardly wait to share more.

Well said. I think the one thing that connects us as humans is that we are all on some sort of spiritual and/or personal journey, but few things inspire me more than hearing of an awakening like yours. Best of luck on your journey.

Thank you. Witnessing others' awakenings is truly beautiful, and I am grateful to have mine witnessed.