Preface

in #life4 years ago

magritte-the-lovers.jpg https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ren%C3%A9_Magritte

I still remember how it physically felt the first time I saw him many years ago.
I can be precise in the date and number of years but if I am I can't help but think that I'm still very attached instead of feeling like I'm finally in the process of healing.

I was walking down a staircase when I first saw him, I skipped a beat, I know this because I had an overwhelming feeling in the pit of my stomach, pretty much like when we get spooked and all our blood seems to rush to our stomach or when our diaphragm contracts and it's like we carry all our weight in our belly.
Eventually I felt butterflies in my stomach but this wasn't it. I was so freaked out that I rushed to the bathroom and saw that I was completely pale - it was such a reaction that my best friend saw and came after me; I told her about how I felt when I saw him and that I knew that something would happen, something big.
I now wonder if this was some kind of red flag that I ignored - I hoped it would be the opposite, the love story of my life. Maybe it is, it just wasn't what I had imagined.

I'm currently doing psychoanalysis and my therapist is encouraging me to write this story - he says it's good and it might be good to put it out there, for my sake instead of repressing it.
I have this idea that I'm a very uninteresting person, some sort of impostor syndrome only I haven't really accomplished much. This relationship might have something to do with it but I can't blame everything on it, some of it it's my fault.

So I'm choosing to write in chapters, still don't know if I should be sharing it. I'm trying to be more adventurous and less prude, emotionally speaking.

I want to bare it all.

Sort:  

welcome to steemit :)

thank you :)

Welcome to steemit, best of luck.

You are going to love it here! Follow me at https://steemit.com/@bitgeek

Hope so!

Congratulations @nanook! You have completed some achievement on Steemit and have been rewarded with new badge(s) :

You got your First payout

Click on any badge to view your own Board of Honnor on SteemitBoard.
For more information about SteemitBoard, click here

If you no longer want to receive notifications, reply to this comment with the word STOP

By upvoting this notification, you can help all Steemit users. Learn how here!

Nice post! I will follow you from now on.

Congratulations @nanook! You have received a personal award!

2 Years on Steemit
Click on the badge to view your Board of Honor.

Do you like SteemitBoard's project? Then Vote for its witness and get one more award!

Congratulations @nanook! You received a personal award!

Happy Birthday! - You are on the Steem blockchain for 3 years!

You can view your badges on your Steem Board and compare to others on the Steem Ranking

Vote for @Steemitboard as a witness to get one more award and increased upvotes!

Coin Marketplace

STEEM 1.30
TRX 0.12
JST 0.139
BTC 59810.76
ETH 2149.96
BNB 471.16
SBD 8.90