Do you date, are dating or married to reproduce or to be happy?

Many women and men go through different challenges in life and for some like me you have to make health decisions that leave you unable to have children. I don’t want to get too deep into my health background because that is besides the point, but if you have never faced with the thought of infertility I would like for you to think about it now and share your opinion.

When you are notified that you are now infertile, it is a very hard thing to deal with. You now are faced with the reality that now your dating pool of people has minimized because you are now not an option to those who are looking for a mate and not a partner. Most people don’t really know if they are fertile or not and some don’t even care. I had never really thought about it either until the day I realized I was not. Life is such a beautiful thing, we live life looking for love and happiness but what happens when you look forward to having a family and one day you get hit with the news, you are unable to make one of your own?

Dating is a very complicated matter, finding someone that you are interested in that makes you want to be the best version of you all the time for them for the rest of your life is hard. So what do you do when you find that person that makes you happy and you find out they can’t have children? Would you leave that partner to pursue one that is capable? What do you do if you are dating and a few years later you find out that your partner is unable to bear or produce healthy baby making formula to make a family? Would you leave and divorce if you are married or do you stay and figure out the expensive and long process of surrogacy or adoption?

I was doing the research for surrogacy options and the process is a costly one: 40,000 - 140,000 without the medical expenses. Adoption can run anywhere of 30,000 - 45,000 and takes 18 months to many years till you bring your baby/kid home and both processes are not guaranteed. When you do the math and add the amount of time and stress and money it will cost, I tell you it makes you want to give up. I congratulate all that have done one or both of these processes, you definitely want to want it bad so congrats to Nicole Kidman and Angelina Jolie and others that aren't as famous or rich.

In the aftermath of all, what happens if you leave the person who is willing to stay by your side faithfully through thick and thin, sickness and in health all to pursue a partner who can produce with you? The child or children that you bring to the world will leave you and when you are sitting sick and in your death bed, will your children be by your side or will they have moved on and you will look back at that person that was willing to love and care for you that you left in pursuit to produce and say, “What if I had stayed, would they be here by the side of my bed?”