Discover Your Values

"earning your values may seem a tiresome proposition. That is why I suggest you begin by knowing where you are" says rob-jan de jong in his new book called "Having Values." Through this guide, he gives you a simple framework to look at and discover your core values.


First, look at where you are now. Determine what you value in life and then ask yourself: "When can I be happy?" Once you determine what your values are, look ahead in the future to see what you want to do, be, or have. Let me give you an example: "A friend once told me that she wanted to be rich one day. But sometimes she gets frustrated because she wants to do all the important things that really count, but all she ever gets is "bumps". Sometimes she wants to be a millionaire, but sometimes she only wants to be a teacher."

This is just one example. You see, when you ask yourself these questions, you are looking ahead to what you want to do or have in the future. These questions will help you identify your "art leading" values. These are what you follow your heart for. These are what you truly believe is important.

Next, set up a "habitat" for your values. Habits are habits that become engraved into you. They are like keys that open many doors for you. For example: "I always try to do the right thing. When I get the results that I want, I feel satisfied and that helps me feel good about myself."

Now, you need to "put your key into the door." This is done by writing a values statement on a piece of paper. A values statement can be a short one containing two to four words. You can write your values statement on a blank piece of paper or even on an index card.

Next, read this document out loud along with your values affirmation. Make sure you are following it precisely. Once you have memorized this statement, repeat it in your mind several times. This will help you to embed your core values into your brain. And, as you do this, you will discover new things about yourself as well.

Remember that you can use your values statement to replace an old negative thought you may have. If your parents didn't raise you to be a values follower, don't fret. There are plenty of other good role models to follow, from politicians to business leaders.

So, as you develop your core values, develop a set of behaviors that reflect your values. You can achieve this through daily meditation. Or, you can attend spiritual or religious services. Whatever you do, make sure that your core values are part of your everyday life.

Another way to discover your values statement is to talk to people who are living it out in their lives. Ask them how they came to that position. What did they learn along the way? It's always a good idea to ask questions like these because you'll get valuable answers to guide you through your own values journey.

When you discover your values, you can apply it to your own life and your interactions with others. You might discover that values conflict is a real way to live. If so, how you resolve them will make a big difference in your happiness. And, conflicts might even spur on discovery.

Don't be afraid to give your values a test run in your life. Ask others to evaluate them. See if they're right for you. Or, you might want to set up some behavior or relationship tests to see if your values statement fits who you are as a person. Sometimes it's just knowing that values align naturally in your life that helps inspire change.


A values statement can bring so much insight into your own values, your life and your relationships. Just asking yourself questions and using them to find out more about yourself and the world you live in will move you forward. When you know what your values are, it will help you face challenges and decisions in your life that you otherwise might not have been able to handle. Your values statement will become a guide you trust when you need it most - a life partner who'll hold you accountable for your choices.