Served as a Lesson
This is my entry for the #bycolemancontest writing contest.
Lesson in life.
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I hate myself because sometimes I don't know what I am saying. I talk a lot and I hurt people a lot. I don't think before I speak. That's why many people hate me. Maybe I am just too hung of judging people with mere appearances.
Why do I raise my noise when I passed by someone who dressed wrong? Why do I give silent smile when I saw my neighbor wearing an old skirt and a dump dress? Why am I so insecure that I have to make an outcast of people that is different from me?
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This kind of judgment happens at school and at the community. It influences our decisions of picking friends and the kind of club we want to be in. But it gets really bad when we don't trust and love somebody anymore.
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Like what happen last week, when I insulted my neighbors that broke them to tears. I was so guilty of what I had done. Coz, I thought their harmless because they are just mere kids but worst point of it, they told what happened to their parents. Their mom was so angry that she called me up and spoke to me. I was so nervous that I don't know what to do. I was speechless at the phone. Their mom gave me a letter, to formal isn't it, but I surely appreciated it. And on the end she wrote it this way:
I should not talk about this because of your age, but I thought of doing so for you to be aware and not to create misunderstanding.
Thanks and hope this would serve as a lesson.
I could not express what i felt. I fell so bad that i want to cry and shout. I fell sorry and maybe relieved. Coz after all I've learned a lesson where I will always remember everywhere and everyday.
@mrsexappeal I soemtimes hate myself for. My lack of values but I snap it off and learn from it we are the only people apart from God who can love us so be gentle to thyself
@mrsexappeal, I am deeply moved by the brutal honesty of your internal conversation! What you have described are all very human thoughts, actions, reactions. The things we should do, we don't; and the things we do, we shouldn't! That is the source of internal conflict within each of us! The problem is inside us! Good news - that's also the source of the solution - inside us!
Believe it or not, I am very excited for this horrible place you are right now! It's from places such as these, we humans can make life-changing decisions to do better, indeed to BE better!
It starts with this type of frank and honest discussion you are having with yourself, daring to see yourself how you are at this moment. See it, but try your best not to judge it! See it for what it is and most importantly, as a place from which healing and improvement can begin.
Take some time to get to know yourself, the real you. This process takes time and continues for a lifetime. You see, it's never about the people around us. It is ALWAYS about how WE are inside! People and life, just show us what is going on inside of US! The only way to live at peace with humankind is if we can live at and in peace with OURSELVES.
Please know and be encouraged that you can come through this a better, stronger, more compassionate human! I hear incredible compassion in you! Show yourself some of this compassion. Forgive yourself and start making friends with yourself! If that zone is a peaceful one, usually everything else falls into place!
I can go on and on, but I wouldn't. All the best to you, my Friend! You are on a good journey!
Upvoted and Resteemed
Majority of our standards have been set by society, but we all have morals within us and it's up to us to consult that morality, to always rationalize whatever it is before it comes out of our mouths. But we're only human, I'm glad you acknowledged your mistakes and learned from them :D