Do you remember when you achieved something so wonderful and everyone commended you for an amazing job but deep inside, you felt like you didn’t deserve it? Or maybe you’re dating the man or woman of your dreams and you feel like it’s luck and everyone would soon discover that you’re a fraud? Trust me, I know how that feels! Often when you achieve something phenomenal; a dream job, a successful business pitch or even recognition for being the best in your team, you’re still afraid; afraid that the scales will fall off their eyes and everyone will see you for what you really are; lucky, fake or just plain fraud! You might just have what is known as “The Impostor Syndrome”.
Research shows that many people (about 70%) will experience this state in the course of their lives with women predominantly feeling the weight of this unnecessary burden. Can you imagine a Senior Manager in a top Nigerian Bank winning the admiration of her superiors and peers for being an exceptional Manager and in spite of all the external validation and praise, she feels undeserving of the honor! Imagine that so many young women look up to her as a role model, a beacon, a driving force; but she only sees herself as lucky! Sad isn’t it? This way of thinking and living, bound by statements like “I must not fail”, “I just got lucky” or “If only they knew I’m not as intelligent”, only serve to exacerbate the feelings of stress, anxiety and sometimes even depression and a crisis of identity. It is never in our place to feel unworthy of who we are and what we have achieved. In doing so, we open to door to more negative emotions and unconsciously give permission to others to intimidate, suppress and abuse us. It is important to break this cycle of unworthiness and realize we deserve the victories that we earn.
Although background situations like family expectations, over protected upbringing (parents), low self-esteem, tribal/racial identities and excessive self-monitoring can fuel the flame of doubt resulting in a fear of success, the knowledge that we are not alone in this thought process often helps. For me as a Public Speaker, like 70% of all people, I have in the past also felt like an impostor. I would finish giving such an amazing speech and there would be such a raucous applause with many speakers and listeners wishing they could do what I just did. However, I didn’t feel the same. I just thought it was a fluke until I realized the harm this thought process was doing to my self-esteem, my dreams and my right to win. So, I had to learn, I had to overcome and you can too!
A few ideas to help achieve this would be to practice gratitude. Be grateful for everything, especially for who you are. A statement like “I thank you God for the wonder of my being”, can be such a proud expression of gratitude and positive affirmation. Positive, healthy affirmations are useful to drown out the voice of doubt and disbelief. Lastly, find a coach, mentor or join a mentoring programme. Coaching and mentoring help overcome self-doubt especially where the mentor has gone through what you are experiencing as this will give clarity and validation. Whatever you do, don’t stand on the quick-sand of self-doubt, find what works for you and believe that you deserve to win! Please share this with someone in your circle of influence who needs this. Someone will thank you for it!
Article Contributor: Femi Adelayo (Writer/Trainer/Speaker 📞08033529826, 📧[email protected])
Article Editor: @mosunomotunde
While reading this at a point, it was as though i was looking at the mirror itself. I mean, there are times I feel so proud of myself, and then there are those times I really don't understand what I did even though I did it. So since I cannot wrap my thoughts around it or at least outline the steps logically, fear and self-doubt steps in. What if I'm asked to reproduce? What if they know this was me being lucky?..
I guess I'd be needing a mentor for such times.
Twas a good read dear, tell Mr. Femi steemit says hello.
He'll be glad to mentor you through...thanks for being such a blessing and for being so honest @pangoli
You have said the best thing which is giving thanks to God. Even those that deserves conpensations dont recieve ordinary thanks and those that did not deserve thanks recieves compensations
Thats just luck!
What compensations?
Positive, health health affirmation are useful to drown out the voice of doubt and disbelief
I agree that positive affirmation helps a great deal
This is quite true, I must say. I think I might have felt that way once upon a time 😑
Me too and so have many others... I hope you have been able to overcome it
Awwwwnnn. Pls put it off totally love
it's good to appreciate ourselves, because if one can appreciate itself definitely that person will know how to show gratitude to other. Mind you, only a grateful heart that can appreciate little thing. We should be thankful in all areas.
True that! Thanks bro
I used to confuse such feelings you cited above as a gesture of humility,I guess I was terribly wrong.
Thanks for the enlightenment
It was a great pleasure to share bruv
Nice one
Thank you
Very well written, thanks.
@adetorrent. Thanks a lot for coming here... #huggggs