Thoughts On Depression
Depression is a monster.
It creeps in slowly and silently, so I don't recognize its arrival until it has already begun to dig a hole in my chest.
As it excavates my connection to love and unity and hope, it slips inside to fill the void with its own heavy misery.
And from that convenient central point, it can easily reach the rest of me.
It stretches out to block my safety, creativity, confidence, spiritual connection, and perhaps most importantly, my voice.
It grasps my throat so tightly that the words I want to say to ask for help just sit on my tongue and sink down into the empty cavern of my chest, somehow adding to the heaviness of all that is missing.
I nod and smile and try to just do life as usual.
But the heavy emptiness in my chest is pulling me away.
It's pulling me down.
And until the pain spills out somehow, my mind and soul will continue to rip themselves apart.
The monster isn't happy.
It will never have enough.
It can stretch itself around me so completely that it forms a new skin, a shell, that completely envelopes me, body and soul.
And it will still want more.
Beautifully put, I feel it too, but you have to seek the source of it and solve it there. What is it that has been making you feel this way?
Thank you. It happens when my self-care declines. When something happens to throw me out of my routines or limit my access to regular self-care items, I start to slip. I'm also on supplements that act as anti-depressants and mood stabilizers, and when I'm out of my routine, I forget to take them.
The same thing happened to me, I lost touch with my routines for a few months and messed up my uni life.
I don’t know the solution to the problems that is causing your distress, I barely know how to put a smile on my own face. But I beg you to be strong and sensible. Sooner or later you’ll find your way back up from the deep canyon you slipped into. Patience, persistence and planning will prove to be the prevailing procedures to promote progression through any problem. Giving up is an option too, a fruitless and futile option though.
I hope you are feeling better. I TOTALLY understand. I do really well as long as I do what I need to do. A couple days eating in restaurants and sleeping in strange beds is a 'vacation" to most people, it is sort of a recipe for feeling like hell for me.
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