Such a funny little child I was

Welcome back my friends. Today I would like to take a moment to tell you some small funny stories of weird things I did growing up.

• When I was at a birthday party as a child in what was once called Showbiz Pizza I spent most of my time there chasing around Billy Bob the bear, and insisting that he was my cousin Richard trying to play a joke on me. Here I was maybe 5 years old telling a poor young adult “Now Richard I know that’s you…Take that thing off you head and let’s go play.” The worst part was my Mom didn’t even try to stop me. She didn’t care what I was doing only that I wasn’t bothering her.

• When I was about 4 we lived next door to my Aunt Shelia, and one day I walked into her house with my arms full of discarded rail road spikes I had collected from around the tracks across town. I asked her if I could nail them in her floor everywhere. She said no and asked why I would want to do that. I replied so when the devil tries to come up to get you he will hit his head on them and must go back down. I had just been taught in church that if you don’t go to church the devil will get you.

• One day when my Dad took me to my Aunt Kathy’s tax business to visit I loudly told her my daddy couldn’t pinch my Mom’s boobs anymore because I was getting too old to see that. Much to his mortification and everyone else in there waiting to have their taxes done. Which is what I overheard her telling my Dad earlier that day.

• As far back as I can remember I had imaginary friends. When I was 5 we had a big move out of state, and that meant we didn’t have a whole lot of room for them to come along. It was elaborate too. I had monster which looked very human and kittens. Tons of kittens! I remember being upset because I was going to have to leave them behind and finally came up with the idea of tying a skateboard behind the car so at least my favorite one could ride along with us there. My parents never knew, or at least if they did they never said anything to me.
• Anytime I found balloons as a small child I would put them in my shirt and prance around so proud of myself because I had boobies like my Mommy. I would then just continue playing like nothing was out of the ordinary.

• Anytime I would see a family member smoking I would go get as close as I could to them and cough until they put it out. Then hug them and run off to play again.

• I was never a shy child and would always make friends with everyone I met. Therefore, always ended up being very straightforward. When I was a teenager I asked a person in a 3 little pigs costume if they wanted to go home with me. Of course, they said yes. Then ten minutes later as I explained to my friend’s mother that we were taking home an extra person this young man walked up me and tapped me on the shoulder to introduce himself. My own little green pig, and to top it off he was cute. Once he learned how far away we lived he didn’t go with us, but at least we will always have Rock City.

• I have a huge family! My mom is one of 11 kids and my Dad is one of 9. So, when it came to cousins I have like 32 first cousins. At my Grandmother’s house, there was no way possible for her to be able to bath all the kids over each night. So anytime it would rain she tells us to all go out and wash our hair in the rainwater pouring off the roof. I can’t even imagine what it would look like for someone driving past to see 15 kids standing around a house in a tank top and panties washing their hair in the rain.

• I remember being at my Aunt Sheila's house out in Tennessee and out picking her flowers from her yard. While picking dandelions I found a gold coin and took it in because I couldn't get the wrapped off the chocolate to eat it. That was when she discovered it was real and took it to the bank later that day to figure out what it was worth. She had always told me if I found money in her house I could keep it. So she gave my mom the amount the bank said the coin was worth and kept the coin. That year my find paid for some of the most uncomfortable Easter dresses my mom could find, and tons of candy including some real chocolate coins.