[Short Story] Veiled Musings (A story about girl who is covered in her thoughts)
Hi Everyone, This is my fourth blog now and i havent earned a single steem dollar combined even after writing with so much of passion and DUDE IT IS TAKING A LOTS OF TIME.
Still I am not getting de motivated about it, I am sure people of steemit will appreciate my writings.
Veiled Musings
Perhaps, you could only perceive me, among the crowd
to give the glee,
the butterflies
the stars
and the moonlight.
Perhaps, I was the one who could make you sightless and oblivious to the cosmic flaws I possessed
to never be able to notice the slight insecurity that creeps in
when I laugh
or smile
of not having that unblemished, perfect silhouette of the lips.
To never be able to notice the slight timidity that creeps in
when I recite some blissful moments in a loud, excited tone
“you have the timber of a guy”
remarks like such
don’t bother except
making me more uncommunicative
mute
muter
day by day.
Perhaps, you are naive
rather
laughable
To only pick me out of the clique.
Perhaps, you’ve not seen the world at all
the pretty
attractive
and oh, those girls with the perfect curves,
faultless features.
Perhaps, I love you too.
I love you too,
because I am a girl born with the flaws
spreading my vision in each corner
ever since
trying to find someone to love me too
like it happens in romantic movies.
And now that, I am convinced all of it is actually taking place in real,
I love you.
With all the tiniest of the pieces of my heart
that try to reach the trail which leads to you,
With the eyes that rummage around for you
With Me,
Who has lost everything to you.
And still
I doubt
I doubt if all this is merely a dream that awaits the surpassing end to, once again
once again
shatter it all and leave me broken,
Defeated
Crushed.
Stay Updated.
Previous Posts :
"How is it like to live in india?" : https://steemit.com/introduceyourcountry/@mindfreak/how-is-it-like-to-live-in-india-introduceyourcountry
"Suicide Note" : https://steemit.com/life/@mindfreak/suicide-note
"The Truth About Lies" : https://steemit.com/life/@mindfreak/short-writing-the-truth-about-lies
Thanks.
I would ease up on the line breaks. The rhythm of your voice makes me want to read long lines, long drawn thoughts that ebb and flow like waves on the beach. While the words go fast and are easy to read, the lines and breaths I take between each sentence should take longer, if you get what I mean. I liked the core idea and your unique voice.
Thank you for such detailed critics.
It was suppose to be a poetry cum short story kind of thing, that is why formatting was done like this.
I really liked what you suggested will look upon it from now on.
Thank you for putting time on my post.
@mindfreak Yeah I agree with @sorcpenz You have potential, but the formatting is ruining it.
Check this posting out for some tips, make sure to read the comments...
https://steemit.com/steemit/@casandrarose/noobie-s-guide-to-whales-and-other-steemit-fish
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