RE: Winraky: All In - In STEEM! (Original short story)
I guess the main premise of the story is not to borrow beyond one’s capacity.
As for a philosophical approach to life, this is definitely a question that every person has to define for him or herself. That is, what is your capacity, beyond which you don’t want to borrow?
I was a little surprised though that this was spelled out as “author’s remark” inside of the story. In my view, the way the action in the story unfolded and ended would have easily done this in a more elegant and implicit way.
Also, I felt suspicious about this “wise man” salesperson in the pond shop. I’ve already read a similar story here at steemit.com, where the author sort of putting his own words in the mouth of one of the secondary characters that “guided” the protagonist to the light in the end of the tunnel. So again to me this sounded like an artificial move. The story would win if you would find a more natural way, circumstantial way to deal with “spreading the wisdom” so to speak.
I think the same premise would have worked better if you made the action developed in reverse. That is... first the guy would work in the store or in some other place. Then he got tired of the “right way” and start gambling with his life, which will lead him to a complete fiasco. This way the same point would have been taken across in a more natural way, without supplicating to the “good wise man” mechanism.
All in all, though – good job.
Thank you for leaving such an in-depth feedback! I can definitely understand the points you made.
But one thing you maybe didn't know is that "Winraky" is a series of short stories. They are all separate stories and not connected at all, but what hey have in common is that Winraky is always a different character, last time it was a taxi driver this time it was an employee at a pawn shop, but Winraky always gives the advice that helps change the protagonist's life. So I've done that on purpose.
But I can see why you'd prefer a more "natural way" to the storyline.
Anyway, thank you for your feedback I appreciate it!
This is a totally natural way for me because something like that happend to me.
After awhile they´ll maybe understand who Winraky is :)
I see. He's a figure similar to Caine in the old Kong Fu series. Sure. I forgot that you have to take in a consideration a Hollywood grown audience, where the good guy is always win in the end and twist it enough to put some actual good principles in it. All good.
I see most of the people still don´t know what exist on our earth and just believe what they see with their own eyes.
Thank you for the advice, i can now understand that people might think it is just fiction ;)
Before I begin answering your question, we have to make a few points in the situation clear.
I am clearing up these points, because maybe the problem could've been prevented in the first place, maybe some actions were taking too quickly without thinking through.
And if you DON'T know the person very well, how do you know that she's telling the truth, maybe she didn't even ask her family first? Maybe she would ask her landlord FIRST, who she doesn't know well, rather than having a very unpleasant conversation with her parents?
The mother has a very serious problem. But it's not her right to push that problem onto you. You are only the landlord, not her sponsor. You have nothing to do with her problems.
If you help her, your bank reputation score lowers, or you might lose the property, and make your own future worse.
It won't be great for her either, because she will feel even worse, knowing that she has badly influenced someone else's life.
@soldier Real life could present the weirdest and, otherwise, unbelievable outcomes? I heard some guy fell off the plane without the parachute and survived. However, when you write fiction you cast away everything that happens outside of the mean +/- standard deviation, because of the statistical rarity of this happening. You actually might have somewhere an honest politician, but since most of them are dishonest it’s more believable to show them as dishonest if you happen to introduce one in a novel or a story.
It’s easy to come up with a story, for example, of an athlete that was caught on doping, lost his advertisement contracts and now don’t even have the money to buy himself a cheeseburger. Sort of like Iverson right now. Winraky will tell him with that honest and hard voice of his “Just be a man, stop doping and start training again and in four-year you can win the Olympic medal again.”
I’d challenge the Winraky saga writer to take a crack at a very simple and, unfortunately, common everyday situation. You have a house or a condo that you happen to rent to a single mother with 3 kids. She lost her job, stopped paying the rent and is living on her deposit. You have to evict her because you pay your loan to the bank and unless you get another renter quick you might lose the property that you’ve put much of your money and efforts. But to kick out a woman with three kids on the street is … well, inhumane. What advice would Winraky give in this case?
@mgaft1 I am sure that he does have an answer.
I understand what you try to tell me. I appreciate your opinion but what is a normal way? Is normal what happen to the most people? Is normal what happen to you? We have to describe the word normal way better ´cause for some it is the "normal way" how the story went ;)
Thank you commenting I love to talk about different opinions
Hi I don't know how to answer your query in the place where you posted the question because the thread somehow isn't expanding anymore. So I will answer it here.
Sure, the easiest way would be to check the renting history of the woman and if we see any blemish on it, not let her in in the first place. In the same manner, we can say that the horrible psychological damage that a soldier who thought in Iraq or Afghanistan, could have been prevented if American troops have never gone to Iraq or Afghanistan. It is like in that joke that states that the best treatment for dandruff is a guillotine.
However, it happens very often that a person gets into a predicament, not because it was not possible to avoid getting into it, but because he either didn’t know something at a time, or was lazy, or was ill informed. Like it is in your story, the protagonist could have been more careful with his gambling and he’d then never get into this predicament, to begin with.
In my view, the examples you are taking are too obvious. They don’t really require much convincing. Don’t gamble, do the work where you have more abilities, don’t drink and drive, don’t take drugs, etc. I think to make a story more interesting you can tackle a problem that is more of a murky gray color, like the one I described, or a similar one. The problem that has no obvious solution and you have dig down inside your soul to find a particular solution that is right for you at the moment.
@soldier Why do I think this is not a natural way to meet a person who would tell you what to do in a tough situation? Sure.
Unlike in a society that is more community oriented like it is in the Eastern countries, I think that an American society is very individualistic and competitive on its core level. People here are separated and often lonely or should I say “on their own.” In a difficult situation, one can get help from a psychologist, a psychiatrist, a life coach, or a psychic. More so, if you are in the military you might even have psychologists on stuff and get it for free. However, this would be a paid professional help.
I think that people would be apprehensive of giving free advice to someone because in their mind it will give another person a competitive advantage. Can it generally be that someone would give you a good advice? Absolutely. However, I don’t think this typically happens when a person is down on his luck and in a situation of acute need for America applauds winners but doesn’t like losers.
Fiction is the subject of my interest rather that some particular incidents that happen to a real person. I think that the subject of fiction should be not some incidents that could happen with someone somewhere, but the incidents that couldn’t have been avoided under certain conditions in the life of a current society.
For example, and I am sorry if I already have given this example, one of my favorite stories is “The Short Happy Life of Francis Macomber” by Hemingway. What Hemingway did in this story is that he lifted a huge social layer of “boys that never became adult men.” These are the people who could already become old, but they still think and act like boys. In this story, Hemingway describes a situation when such a boy finally becomes a man, and that internal transformation made him a happy man, although for a very short time, because subsequent to this transformation he was shut.
I hope this clarifies my position and shows that I am not intruding in someone’s internal world or trying to somehow deliberately offend someone’s feelings.