My social anxiety debacle for the day
So tonight, my daughter’s volleyball game was the source of my anxiety attack. What a shitty mom, right? Yeah, I’m aware. I’ve been beating myself up all day over this.
Those who know me, know that I am somewhat outgoing and pretty socially active. So why the sudden anxiety trigger? Well....
Normally, I work nonstop and I attend all of these events without a second to think because I just don’t have the time to process anything... or overthink.
Today, however, I had taken a personal day from work to recover from a long weekend and to get things back in order before returning to routine. So I had time to think. Basically, I had time to overthink. This may seem petty, but I stressed myself to the point of being physically sick because I had to go to this event.
Right before her game... before the loud, ear-piercing buzzers and the screeching children and parents, I stopped to sit down by the river with one of my best friends to prepare myself to confront all of the teachers, parents, and other kids... To get ready for forced interaction.
And you know what? It wasn’t that bad. I was beaming with pride at my daughter’s performance. My heart swelled when I saw her interacting with her teammates and when I saw her succeed. I was able to block out all of those things that I had been dreading all day.
In the end, I’m a mess. I can only genuinely socialize around those that make me feel “comfortable” But I guess the moral of the story is: Get out of our comfort zone if you truly love someone. I love my daughters so much and I would do anything in the world for them. Even if it means going to a volleyball game ;)
Excellent read! I totally understand what you mean.
Oh, I know you do!!
I can relate. I have the same sort of social anxiety. I feel like most times I can hang with the best of them. But sometimes its fucking awkward to have to interact with people on a junior high level even tho we're all adults. Its exhausting and unenjoyable to be around fakes and pretend to be normal. But most of the time it ends up being not nearly as bad as you pictured it would. And you did it for your daughter so that makes you a wonderful Mom. Not sure if I made sense just letting you know Melody, your not alone!
Thanks for this, Michael. Really. I even felt bad after posting it and the anxiety set in again. It was a really stupid thing to get all worked up over, but then again, I guess anxiety is all about stressing over trivial things. I fucking despise small talk, especially since I spend about 40 hours a week doing it at work. I just feel like a hypocrite sometimes because I love going to concerts and other things that involve a crowd, yet I have breakdown over something like this. Lol at least I’m not the only one! Thanks again, hope you’re doing well!
[anxiety is all about stressing over trivial things]
You nailed that one!
Im glad you shared it. I think because you are a
Musician/ artisit there is a certain sensitivity that comes along with it. Youre just tuned into it, and thats not a bad thing.
❤️❤️❤️