I came from a family conflict and you came family conflict ? As it affects you?

Whenever a situation begins to tease me, I think: what's in me that is bothering with this? What do I need to learn? What is the lesson that the universe is giving me now?

Looking from this perspective, I have come into contact with many family situations where "conflict" is installed: people speak ill of each other. Show me messages to become complicit in their gossip. Fight against everything and everyone. They reveal things that should be resolved within four walls. And during the work of self-observation, I found that there is a side of me that feeds this spirit of gossip and conflict. Okay I am aware of many things that normally are not revealed. The question is not this. The point is that discovered a "conflict" inside me.

The pleasure and addiction in conflict and intrigue

Unsurprisingly most of the population like the dramas, conflicts, intrigues. Just look at the TV programming for movie films, for books. What attracts attention is the content containing sex, betrayal, fighting, alliances and misfits, paying for the innocent guilty, painful changes, retirements, vendettas, impossible love, traumatic separations.

Until recently, I was sure that I did not like these plots. I do not see novel and am very selective about the movies I watch and the books I read. But from the perspective of systemic family constellation, now I understand that I am entangled in the stories of the past of my family, where there were scenes like these. The last previous generations, but also stories lived in my childhood. I remember, for example, my father taking me to the house lover, amid a fight with his wife at the time. I being thrown into confusion, certainly being used as a shield. Another scene that comes to mind is my paternal grandmother running away with me and my brother to the coast, hiding from my mother, because at the time she thought she had to take care of us, even not having the permission of justice to do so. The Homeric fights between my grandmother and my grandfather, for money and many other things, was also something everyday. My upset grandmother and my grandfather passive. Assaults verging on cruelty of my older brother towards me, and the feeling of constant fear that I experienced in childhood.

Once grown, there are two possibilities: temporize or to revolt against the painful past. Both options, however, make us slaves of the past. We can not abandon it. it can not rest in peace, after all, we are not looking right for this story and the emotional pain occurred. And as slaves of this past unconsciously attract situations where we will relive this pain, until they can truly lose energy. We attract conflict relations. We engage in fights against the bosses, against the government, against the system. We are deceived, betrayed. We suffered traumatic losses. Just falling amid groups of people who cultivate intrigue, gossip, dishonesty, manipulation. And how do we react? Criticizing, fighting, judging by denying. Hardly realize that there is a side of our psyche that "loves" this environment and these situations! This side can relive key scenes from the past, and although uncomfortable, is reminiscing of its history. You can honor its past and the past of previous generations, making the same: suffering, fighting, fighting and losing. Basically, we are saying yes! I came from a place "confrontational"! I am part of it, and I honor this history, living the chaos in my life! It's almost an addiction!

Freeing me

The release is done with the inclusion of history itself. In fact, only now I began to see that my family was a real soap opera. Maybe because my grandfather had a lot of knowledge, my grandmother liked classical poetry, my father spoke a few languages and was also a true encyclopedia. besides being a journalist especially during phase of his life. or perhaps because my mother graduated as a lawyer, the daughter of successful micro-entrepreneurs, I believed that I came from "an elite". My family taught: there are others. and us! And we were something special. Despite all the facts proving otherwise.

Of course there is nothing special in any family. But a child does not have the gift of discernment. She hears and believes what is spoken. The others are not worth anything - only our family is good! And then it grows, and how often does reassessment of what has been taught, carries indestructible beliefs, which usually hide difficult truths to be looked at. The family never accepted. Betrayals. The pains. Losses. Conflicts. And unwittingly repeats the same fate of his own family history: suffer, judge, compare, fight. And suffer again.

Bert Hellinger teaches: "Peace means that what was in opposition reunites That which before was excluded, it is recognized mutually That what used to be fought, if hurt and even wanted to destroy, is mourning together for the victims.. on both sides and the suffering caused to the other. " The important thing is to do this exercise yourself. Many want to be at peace with people "outside". This does not work if you do not make peace with its various "selves" interiors. My exercise is to include the "confrontational" and "civilized" in me. Since I own both. Include the academic side and the uncultivated side of my parents and family. The ethical side and unethical. The strong side and the next victim. And slowly go out of conversations where people speak the lives of others. They compare. Judge. My God! As I also liked to talk about other people's lives! It's time to get out of it. no longer makes sense.