You May Not Pass

in life •  5 months ago

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Aaaand here is your Flat White!

Exclaimed the dude in the coffee shop.

Cheers mateychops.

I gave my best attempt at an early morning smile, which sort of makes me look like someone has a hand up my chuff and is doing a poor job of puppeteering.

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I waved my bank card toward the machine.

Oh no, not today. It's on the house!

The hand with my bank card in it froze. I looked about in some confusion. Was this guy ok? This is Glasgow. You don't get free things in Glasgow? Surely there must be some mistake.

Really? Are you sure?

Of course I am sure. Now go on, take it!

He waggled the coffee at me.

I reached over and took it like the proverbial man.

Well thank you very much.

I said, my smile morphing into something more natural as if my arse puppeteer had gently exited.

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I walked into work with a fair old spring in my step. That was nice. That was a splendidly nice way to start the day. I hoped the rest of the day would go well.

The security guard who usually hides in an alcove stepped forward and waved a beefy hand at my chest as if he was stirring a massive cauldron filled with dead dogs and water.

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No.

He intoned, waving his hand around some more at my chest.

I grinned, perhaps the chap was remarking on the lack of moobs on display what with all my recent gym'ings?

Or perhaps he was telling me that no-one could aspire to such heights of mannity as I was achieving?

I was flattered. I smiled and lifted my free coffee to him in salute.

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A very good morning to you too!

Your pass is out of date.

What? I didn't even know it had a date? Does it have a date?

He grunted. Obviously displeased that I hadn't prostrated myself before his wanger authority.

It's the wrong colour, means it's out of date. You need a new pass before you get in.

I shimmied my free coffee around in my hand.

Knock me up a visitors pass then would you? I have a meeting at nine.

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No visitors passes for permanent employees. New security guidelines.

I took a deep breath. My lovely free coffee was getting colder by the minute. I could feel all my good vibes flushing out of me like when you break the seal after drinking some beers.

Was this it? Was my day going to be ruined after such a good start?! Was the universe against me and the free coffee was just its way of yanking my chain??!

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I opened my mouth and prepared to let rip.

Oi oi oi! What do we have here? Let him in Pete! I am officially ok'ing it!

I looked up at El Jefe grinning beside me.

Pete reluctantly let me past mumbling something about renewing my pass before tomorrow.

El Jefe swept me past him toward the lifts, leaning in to whisper in my ear.

He's a bloody dick that one, eh!

I nodded in agreement, bizarrely amused at the fact that it was El Jefe that had charged to my rescue.

Perhaps the universe was on my side today after all.

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Free coffee and an El Jefe save!? The world must be mad! Must be global warming! I was for sure that the universe aligned just so you could throw lukewarm coffee at an unruly guard, but I guess it's not my day. That's why whenever I get into a new company, the first ones I befriend are the guards. So beneficial to have those at your side!

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It's a good move to befriend the guards however my place has a weird system of paying them buttons so none of them stay in the job long and the ones who they get are a surly bunch at best!

Perhaps that should be my challenge!

Cheers for the shout-out earlier dude!!

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Oh yeah, I totally get that rotating guard thing most companies/buildings do. So that the guards won't get familiar. There was this one time I came across a guard I befriended way back in college, only this time he was guarding an office I needed to get into but had no access to. Still didn't get in, but we had a good catch up haha!

Aha! I thought you would get a kick out of it what with Shouty McShouterson in tow. Most other people won't realize the nod haha But, the more pertinent question is, did you feel it in your buttocks?

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I felt it, like a sing that was eased bya soothing ointment!

Hehe, you make the first part of your content sound like an intro to a spy film!

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Hehe, you make the first part of your content sound like an intro to a spy film!

Always! Is there even any other way!?

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There is never any other way, never!

Certainly the free coffee was a way to prepare you for the news so annoying of the guard about the pass, but hey your boss appeared to save your butt! That is something totally unexpected, as Kratos would say: I still have allies on Olympus hahaha lol

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Haha, t
It was a strange one. Sometimes you have to take those allies no matter how strange!

I think I've just passed wind.

What the heck! You've had quite a morning @meesterboom. Have the stars crossed? A free coffee and the boss coming to your rescue. I wouldn't buy a lottery ticket just yet...

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What, but I just bought a whole strip!!!?!!

;0D

If that would have been me, and I was denied entrance, it would have been a great day... in that I would have left and had the day off... I know, we can't always do that, but it would be great if we could!

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The thought did cross my mind to just about tail and go home!

Free coffee, helpful bosses; something's off. Be careful out there.

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Yaaaarg! I never thought of it that way!? Of course, it's a plot!!

haha The mystery of yin and yang at work in the universe! xD Sorry I haven't dropped by recently, I haven't been on Steemit all that much! I have about 2 months worth of uncle boom to catch up with! In fact I might do exactly that whilst England are playing tonight...bloody hate football lol Hope you are and the famalam are well! :)

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We are indeed! I ain't that fond of it much either!! Hope you and the dogs are! :0)

It's time to butter up the guards. (You can do it one of two ways - your choice).

Always keep payroll, IT and security in your good books. :-) If you are already in IT, then keep IT super happy.

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Lol, I do work in IT but tend to aggravate them!

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I'm in the same boat ... and I also tend to aggravate them. But, usually, they need help from me, not the other way around ... so I get the royal treatment. ;-)

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Hehe, you are a special case then! In a good way of course :O)

Has our Boom stepped into the twilight zone or is he dreaming?

upvoted and resteemed

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Hehe, maybe it is the Twilight zone! I hear the music now!

These are the days you should suspect dear friend @meesterboom, it does not seem strange to you a free coffee, in a place where nothing is free and your boss came out in his defense. as we say in my province "When the alms are great, even the saint mistrusts"
Congratulations for your great day dear friend

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I am full of the mistrusting now!

You must treat El Jefe a drink to thank him for rescuing you. That security guard is very strict after knowing you for so long. Upvoted!

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Pfft, I won't be buying him a drink... Wait, maybe that's where I am going wrong!

When I worked in the office there was no security guard, but there was a nice woman who smiled to everyone. Ok, my office was really a quiet office in a quiet area in a small small city, so it was easy and we had problems just few time (even if we were the administration office of a rehab ):P

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Hehe, give me a nice woman who smiles at me anyday. We hire some right toughos!

lol! Very amusing and entertaining, you sir have gained a new follower!

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Well thank you! Likewise!

Karma doing some strange magic now and then. El Jeffe to the rescue!? So miracles do happen!

Hope you bought a lotery ticket on your way home. This might have been one of those luck on luck days...

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Hehe, I did, I bought a scratch card mcthing. No serving millions for me though!

It was an odd day, there is a strange holiday atmosphere about the place!

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The holidays are coming, the holidays are coming!

Maybe the Cryptos will bring in the millions ! :-)

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Well that is always the hope!!! :0D

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bugger, there goes an unexpected day off.
you can't get in, so you might as well go home again, El Jefe is a devil in disguise, anything to get the slaves back to the salt mine

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Pretty much, I was about to turn tail but I was denied!

Ahhh, thanks for my morning chuckle. Love your stories!

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Thank you and you are welcome! :O)

Hmmm, but is anything really free? Now you owe favors to the coffee guy and El Jefe!

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Yes, I am sure they will call them in, that's when I shall throw it back at them and run, cackling into the night

awesome writing…you have a great writing experience

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You flatter me sir. Like a horse being brushed by a young girl.