Hey, you like funky beer don't you?

Asked Dry-Fanjano. A twig-like creature that I worked with.

I do indeed.

I intoned imperiously as if he were a kebab that I was debating was worthy enough of being tickled by my penis.

Yeah, I totally thought I had heard you talking about it! You tried the new beer shop on the south side?

His words came tumbling out in a displeasing rush.

Idly I wondered if I should smite him with something. There was a stapler nearby and my fingers inched their way toward it.

A new beer shop? A real beer shop you mean?

I thought it best to check that it wasn't just a bog-standard beer shop. I mean, that would never do.

Yeah, totally. It's full of speciality beers from all over the place.

He looked at me adoringly like a puppy that wanted a good walking.

This was news to me, as readers of my Saturday beer reviews will know, I am fond of beers, the whackier the better. I decided I must visit this place.

I have not heard of it. Where is it?

Dry-Fanjano smiled like a fat boy that had eaten too much chocolate.

Govanhill, do you know it?

I gasped in horror and gripped tightly onto the arms of my chair so that I didn't fall off with the shock.

Nearby, one of my lady colleagues slipped into a coma that lasted three years.

Govanhill... You mean, GOVANHELL!?!

I shouted indignantly at Dry-Fanjano.

Govanhell? I've never heard it called that before.

He said with a perplexed look on his face like a spaniel being chased by pigeons.

I stood, my undercarriage beginning to froth up with ointment.

GovanHELL, is a shithole populated solely by HOORS and CROOKS! I will NEVER, EVER go there!

I bellowed.

Dry-Fanjano took a step back, his face creasing up in offense at my words.

Hey, that's not on. Not on, at all. I live in Govanhill and I can assure you I am NOT a crook!

I took a menacing step toward Dry-Fanjano, my voice a dreadful threatening hissing thing.

Well, if you are not a CROOK then you must be a bloody HOOR!!

How dare you!? I'm not a, a, a thing that you just said!?

I shook my head and sat down, looking out the window.

Beat it, hoor.

Some moments passed.

My colleague Angles who sits beside me laughed.

He's away. I guess you won't be setting foot in Govanhill then?

I smiled and laughed with her.

Ach, it's not so bad. I'll swing by the shop tonight!