Thursdays With Uncle Boom #37

in #life6 years ago

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I met my good friend Anulus Kenders today, or as he had preferred to be known since our University days, Walloper, on account of his unfeasibly large penis. He was a splendid fellow despite having a face like a pig's gizzard.

He had called me and asked if I fancied a run.

From the coppers?

I had joked.

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The coppers, ha, couldn't catch a cold the bloody coppers eh!

Walloper replied merrily.

We both guffawed at that. Walloper was an old school gentleman like myself. We would often get drunk and shout about being Kings of the Sea whilst beating a peasant.

So seriously old fellow, what do you mean... A run?

You know old chap? A bit of exercise. Running, like in a forward direction? I have heard it is good for the constitution.

Mmm, I don't know. It sounds awfully tiresome. Will there be prostitutes and whisky?

I queried.

I mean, why else would you run if not to a worthy goal?

Well, we can sort something out on the way. Come on old chap. It will be fun! Meet me at two and dress appropriately!

Walloper declared, with more than a hint of moustache.

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And so it was that I found myself standing in front of the river awaiting Walloper in one of my plainer suits. Given the possibility of exercise I elected not to wear a hat. I puffed merrily on my pipe as I observed Walloper approach.

What ho Walloper old chum!

I yelled enthusiastically.

He stopped before me and reached out for my pipe which I passed over.

What ho Boomy old fellow. I see you are dressed for it!

As are you old fellow.

I examined his garb. He seemed to be wearing a lot of pieces of differently coloured lycra. He looked like a court jester that the King has had his dogs fuck.

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The lycra accentuated his ungainly penis, lurking in his shorts like a fat baby.

I tried not to stare. Rumour had it that after so many years of it, his wife could pull her arse up over her head and wear herself as a pullover.

I offered him a swig of my hip flask, filled as ever with Mad Agnes, the drink of champions.

He took a deep swig and passed it back with my pipe.

Right, shall we do this thing?

He bounced on his toes as he spoke as if he were struggling to keep some love eggs from falling out his bomb doors.

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I tucked my pipe and hipflask away and picked up my cane which I had leant against a low wall.

Yes indeed old fellow!.

We lifted our legs up mechanically and ran. It was hard work. It was also shit. After a few minutes I called a halt.

Walloper, this is fucking rubbish? Is it meant to be good?

You are right old chap. It's pish. I thought it would be more fun myself.

He panted, leaning on the guardrail beside the river.

I got my pipe out again.

Hmmm, oh well, we did try. Oh look, there's an old woman. Let's ask her if she knows where we can pursue some gentlemanly delights?.

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An old woman was walking along the towpath toward us leaning on some kind of metal frame with wheels.

Excuse me Milady!

I called out.

Where is the nearest place we could purchase some prostitutes and whisky?

I smiled as if eating a particularly tasty fish pie.

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What?

The old woman stopped wheeling along and looked at us aghast.

The shame of it! Asking a lady of my age?! I certainly would have no idea where you would find such a thing.

She shook her head despairingly and began to inch her way around us.

I harrumphed loudly, grabbed her and with a small grunt threw her over the guard rail into the river below.

There was a surprisingly small splash.

Pointless old bag.

Walloper guffawed.

Oh Boomy, you are a one!

He grabbed the old lady's walking frame device and flung it into the river after her.

He looked over the edge at the still water then to me, his moustache curling up with glee.

You'll never change, eh old chap?

I barked a laugh.

Well old fellow...

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A little bit weird story for my level of understanding & accepting things...There is one more song connected to the story & my favorite:
"I need a hero
I'm holding out for a hero 'til the end of the night
He's gotta be strong
And he's gotta be fast
And he's gotta be fresh from the fight
I need a hero
I'm holding out for a hero 'til the morning light
He's gotta be sure
And it's gotta be soon
And he's gotta be larger than life!
Larger than life"

Bonnie!! Good old Bonnie, that was a song to my childhood. It seemed to be everywhere when I was growing up!

The Unlce Boom stories are weird, ridiculous in fact but a lot of fun :OD

Yes, from the childhood and now we are in babyhood as we are getting younger...🤗Yes, weird, I got it right...😅

Hahaha, yes indeed. Younger by the day!! :O)

that old woman had it coming to her! pointless woman with no sense of humor...be gone!

Hehe, my favourite bit was writing that. Pointless old bag bit. He's so harsh! :0)

That was someone's Gran!!!

Also, "Rumour had it that after so many years of it, his wife could pull her arse up over her head and wear herself as a pullover." Lol! How the hell did you come up with that one?

You know I genuinely have no idea where half of them come from. I start to write, I get to a bit that needs a description and I think for a moment and things just pop into my head. Don't know what the feck that says about me!

Poor granny. :0D

I'm surprised he didn't punch her in the mouth first or shake his "pipe" in her face. Hopefully, she has some inflatables handy of she may go down like the Titanic. Th worst part is, she was totally holding out, damn straight she knew where the hookers and whisky were. Just smell her breath. I knew the run was doomed when it started with a smoking pipe and a flask. LOL

Isn't that the best way to start a run! ;0D

I should never predict what you have written.I thought with a name like walloper he must have had a brilliant right hook.Oh guess i was wrong.😂😕😕😂.Only you could come up with that name.lmao.oh gosh wearing that lycra.I would say put it away.But blimmen where!!!

The poor biddy.I am not to concerned about her.It is the most action shes had in years bless her.Even jaws would swim away from her.( she was styling it out you can tell she was a dirty little granny.lmao) Blimey Walloper you pulled, and i am not referring to the wifes jumper!

Love my Thursday Fix of Uncle Boom.His funny old chap isn't he!

I suspect old Walloper might have hooked a few in his time ;0)

Uncle B is a funny chap indeed!

I set my self into that one didn't I.😂😂Hook, line and blimmen sinker (ironically the phrase goes well with todays installment.)

Hehe, it does that!! :0)

It reminded me when I was a teenager and I would shout blasphemies and bad words every time I would meet a priest or a nun in the street!
AUHAUHAUHAUHAUHAUAH

Oh my, that is quite naughty!

I am a little naughty one :D

I hope you did not let adulthood stop you from continuing this useful habit!

Of course! I still ring at the doors bells and run away.

" Rumour had it that after so many years of it, his wife could pull her arse up over her head and wear herself as a pullover." This is quite the image :D:D:D:D:D

I am quite proud of that one!!

I love this character, every time I admire him more, Uncle Boom is very intelligent and knows how to do things, a very good idea to motivate the exercise, ladies and wisky is a very good convinacion. every time they opened athletic body men.
Excellent reading dear friend @meesterboom.
I wish you a wonderful evening

A very good evening to you too @jlufer!

He is a fantastic character, the world needs men of his calibre!! Hehe

a likable murderous snob. that takes skill to create :D

How is the ol' three-legged Walloper? It's been a while since I last saw the chap. The last time we crossed paths, he turned to the side and accidentally whacked my back with his elephant trunk. I threw my back out and broke my hip. I've never been the same since. Good to see he hasn't changed a bit!

Lol, broke a hip. Hopefully not from a direct hot and more the falling lol!!

I'm afraid it was because of a direct hit. The gents at the squash club have a good laugh about it every time we hit the showers.

gentlemanly delights?

My kind of delights xD hooker and whisky, damn add some blackjack in there and we would have the best trio!

That old woman had it coming, i simply hate people without a sense of humor, I'm almost always saying bullshit without thinking, people more sensible always get affected by what i say!

Hehe, yeah, pointless old woman. Into the river with you!! Lol

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