The Man Card

I was in one of the more salubrious meeting rooms in work. I had been summoned by El Jefe to discuss a matter of great importance and some urgency.

I stared out the window at the dribbling rain and dark cloud lurking overhead. I knew what this meeting was about of course. I had requested to change my working hours.

I suspected by now that the request had percolated through the many convoluted layers of management and arrived at El Jefe. Just as I thought of him the door swung open.

Boom Dawg!

He bellowed, pulling up a chair and sitting very close to me. So close in fact that his knee was slightly touching mine.

I pretended to ignore this violation of Man Etiquette.

He threw his hands up in the air and exuberantly exclaimed.

So, where are we?

There was a pause. I didn't answer.

Where have we found ourselves?

He proclaimed even louder as he looked around at an audience I couldn't see.

I still didn't answer. He puffed his chest up and looked very serious. He leaned in as close as he could without charging me twenty bucks and grinding on my nethers.

Here we are...

He intoned solemnly, nodding with satisfaction and looking at me the way a seal looks at a man with a fish.

I recently got an application? Something about, hmmm, reducing hours or some such matter?

He slid backwards in his chair and crossed his hands behind his head.

I stared at a point just to the left of his head. (try it, it's really annoying)

Yes, that is correct. I am changing my work pattern.

Well now... Are you?

He replied cryptically raising an eyebrow.

I sighed inwardly.

Yes. I am.

To... ahem... spend more... time... with your... family?

He made a face like he had found some anal phlegm on his sandwich.

And there it was, the face said everything. He was playing the man card. He hadn't overtly said that my request was not going to be allowed but I could sense the implication that by even asking I was being a woos. I mean, what man would rather spend time with his family than in work?

Yes. That's right. Spend more time with the people I love.

I emphasised my point by grinning like Clint Eastwood's Orangutan in that film from years back.

El Jefe looked as if I had particularly dirty fingernails and was asking for a date with his daughter.

One would have been forgiven for thinking you were going to ask for more hours! Get a bit of peace and quiet eh!

He leaned forward again to give me what he possibly considered a manly nudge and a wink.

So...are we really going to do this? Eh? I mean... Really?

He produced the change of hours form I had filled out and waved it back and forth a few times disapprovingly.

Yes indeed we are.

He stood, looking thoughtful. As if he was my dad and I had just told him that I was worried my foreskin was too tight.

Ok then, request approved.

He gave a theatrical sigh and left the room. I waited till he was definitely gone before yelping a victory whoop!

More family time here I come!