The Good Lady banged an empty plate down in front of me. I looked down at it in bemusement.

Um, I think you might have forgotten something?

I said in that flirty jokey manner of husbands who think they may get to hide the purple monkey that night.

The Good Lady smiled winsomely at me.

Oh, I don't think I have. Nope, not at all.

She gave a self-satisfied grin and wobbled her head about from side to side as if dancing to an obscure metal track from the neck up.

I looked down at the plate again to make sure I hadn't missed something. Perhaps a sliver of fish? No, there was quite blatantly nothing there.

Um, the plate. It's empty. There is no breakfast on it?

I broke this to her gently, just in case she was going early mentals now that she had turned forty.

Ha! Yes, well spotted. It's 5 and 2.

There was a silence.

It was a long and puzzled silence. I made a soft inquisitive hoob hoob noise at her and pointed at the plate just in case regular communication wasn't working.

And this is day 1 of the 2.

She said with more than a hint of triumph.

I canned the chimpanzee-style hoob-hoob'ing and went full on man-child.

Why are you talking in numbers? I don't understand?

I stuck out my bottom lip knowing that tonight's purple monkey hiding was looking less likely by the minute.

Fasting. It's really good for you, I have decided we should give it a go. So for 2 days out of the week we will fast.

I grunted as if someone had just doinked me in the under-belly with a blunt stick.

Fasting!? Like no eaty? That is insane!? How can we not eat? How is that possible?

The good lady made downwards patting motions with her hands as if her milky squeakers had been inflated with helium.

Relax... You can still eat, 600 calories. It's not starvation. I can get you a smoothie?

I twitched as I remembered the last smoothie, I had needed a knife and fork for it.

No thanks. I had better get off. I have a case to crack.

I stood and picked up my coffee which I was only now just noticing was black and headed for the door.

As I scoofed my fedora on to my head and opened the door, the Good Lady called out.

Remember, 600 calories!! No more than that!

I grimaced as if weighing cats farts in a damp bag.

Yeah, right.

I stood outside my office. As I hadn't wasted time with such trifles as eating breakfast, I was early.

I sipped distractedly at my coffee and pondered the case. I was looking for a person known as The Architect. No-one would admit to knowing who he was and just the asking of which seemed to make people nervous.

I didn't have a lot of leads.

Hey BoomDawg.

I looked around, it was Haddock-Harry, a developer I had worked with once or twice, so called because he stank of fish. It was rumoured that he never changed his underpants, only softening them up with a toffee-hammer now and then.

Aye aye, Harry. How's things.

Haddock-Harry nodded, taking a deep draw from a spitty little roll-up cigarette.

All good man. All good, you waiting for Bin-Raker as well?

Bin-Raker? No, I was just having a think.

I remembered Bin-Raker, he was a software tester for the Data Analytics team.

I'm meeting him to get some of that shady baccy he sells. If ever there was a man who has a finger in every pie. It's good old Bin-Raker.

Said Haddock-Harry with a satisfied nod.

That stirred a memory, yes, Bin-Raker was reputed to be the gossip king. It was how he got his name. That and the time he got caught actually raking through a bin. It doesn't matter if you dress it up as dumpster diving, not in Scotland, oh no.

If anyone knew who The Architect would be then the trampy Bin-Raker would.

What time you meeting him?

I asked casually, as if I were browsing lady's slippers online.

Any minute now, how? You changed your mind and wanting some of that baccy after all?

Said Haddock-Harry with a knowing smile.

I laughed.

Yeah, something like that.

Haddock-Harry gestured to the back lane.

Come on, this way then.

I fondled the reassuring roughness of my pointy shit-stick in my coat pocket before nodding and following Haddock-Harry to the lane.

Time to start cracking jaws and kicking baws it seems...

And I'm all out of baws...