Shake A Few Trees
Guess who's back!!
A voice boomed out over our bank of desks. I looked up to see who the fuck was peasant shouting.
It was Jam-Bag. He had been a Project Manager here once then left. He had been gone a long time.
If memory served me correctly, his biggest achievement had been purchasing the Moto 360 smart watch and tapping the face of it repeatedly in meetings.
I had a quick look at his wrist. No Moto. Just the usual identikit Fitbit'ery.
I didn't quite get the Fitbit obsession. Although to be fair I was half tempted to get one and attach it to my penis and setup an actifit account on Steemit for it.
Who let you in?
I asked pretending to be friendly.
Aha! There he is! The big man speaks!
Jam-Bag grinned hugely as if we were two old tomcats licking a herring.
Bet you never thought you would see me back in this cow of a place!
He waved his arms expansively like Caesar did when announcing his new salad dressing.
Erm... No?
I raised my voice at the end of my response as if I were a teenage American girl and hoped that he wouldn't take it as a mating signal.
Well, here I am. Back. Back to sort you lot out!
Jam-Bag laughed dementedly.
Nearby, a few people who had absolutely no idea who he was shifted uncomfortably in their seats at the nutter in the cheap suit and loud voice.
That's nice. You back as a Project Manager then?
I asked.
Ha! A PM?? Not likely, mate. Back to drag you lot kicking and screaming into the 20th century more like!
He chuckled and briefly looked downward shaking his head as if noticing the floor was made of vaginas for the first time.
You mean the 21st century?
I said with a majestically raised eyebrow.
Oh there it is! That's the BoomDawg right there. Can't get one past this guy!
Jam-Bag nudged the oily shoulder of a DevOps guy sitting nearby.
So what are you back for?
I asked with no small amount of puzzlement. His track record hadn't been the best as far as I could remember.
What am I back for? Maybe I'm back to shake a few trees, see what falls out.
He tapped an index finger to his nose and winked at me before turning heel and marching off.
Collectively we watched him go, bafflement in the air like the perfume of a lady in her late forties
I heard El Jefe is getting promoted, do you think he's in to replace him?
Asked the oily DevOps guy across from me.
The blood froze in my veins at the thought of my boss being replaced by the thing that had just Gervais'd us.
I fucking hope not.
If you set up that Steemit account for your dickfitbit i will follow because i can’t wait to check that data 😂😂😂 great art work as always... 🍻Cheers #earnwhileyousperm
@davidamsterdam you have received
20 ENGAGEfrom @meesterboom!View and trade the tokens on Steem Engine.
Whoop whoop!!! thanks for the info @misterengagement have a great weekend!
LOL. I might have to create a public API for the data!!
!ENGAGE 20
For sure level 70 in one week.. Thanks bruv 👍
LOL... yes i think you don't have a choice... Thank you for the 20 ENGAGE that is very kind of you!
Actifuck
Earn while you sperm
And some said mass adoption would never happen...
The next baby boom courtesy of being paid to bone?
So many children! Maybe I could repopulate the wilds of Scotland!!
Less is more!
Unless we are talking actifit tokens :)
Sweet sweet actifit tokens. I don't think I have earned a single one!! Lol
P-p-p-p-p-paaiid, P-p-p-p-p- paaiid, P-p-p-p-p-p-paaaid, I'm Paid to bone.
It's the way forward for the platform!!! Never mind all this JSON schmason!! :0D
JSON gets all the ladies.
Those bloody Bourne films!
JSON Bourne ~for Actifit
Since it's public ledger on the block chain ... you can challenge your friends. There may even be a side benefit as a dating app.
Strapping the fitbit to your penis sounds uncomfortable (not necessarily for you XP).
I didn't think you'd be too concerned about having new blood to practise your sense of humour on XD
Hehe, I suppose there is always a silver lining!
This scenario happened to me. It took me 6 months to get my Jam-Bag demoted.
One of the happiest days of my career. :-)
Rule #1: Always be super friendly to HR. Keep them apprised of all the gossip. Even if you may be the source of some of that gossip. ;-)
It's hard to be super friendly with ours, they are literally the walking dead!!
But I have a trick or two up my sleeve! :0)
Ugh I hate when this happen - they leave and come back - most of the time after the screwed up or talked a lot of shit about the place and then come crawling back but wants to be the main man
That send to be exactly what has happened. He was most pleased to leave as far as I remember. I still haven't heard of her is to be the new boss man, I really hope not. I works probably get sacked!!
Oh shit, El Jefe is getting promoted.. better earn all you can while your sperm.., sounds like a fucking nutcase.
I'm seeing the rats ascend to the heights instead of leaping off. I'm wondering what the hell is going on!!
Standard company politics, he who can talk the loudest and excels at sycophantic behaviour does ascend!
I think I can develop such behaviour. Definitely in the short term, it's maintaining or that might be problematic!!
Maybe we should make a FitBit app for this... I wonder if they have an API that someone can develop on xD I also don't get why people like FitBit so much... they spend so much money on something that a phone app can do for no extra charge. I sort of understand the counting steps part because it gamifies exercise and people love games, even my lazy father likes to walk to increase the number of daily steps he walks.
They just love the silly rubber band. It's like walking with the clones!! They can tell you by the Fitbit you wear!!!
Might be time to leave work and stsrt your Actifit penis porn career. That guy sounds like a right toss and I think you'll clash...Or kill him. 🙂
I might kill him with my penis. that way there are no fingerprints.. Hmm, that sentence doesnt quite sound right?
Haha...Enough said there I think...Except, maybe clamp on a GoPro...For posterities sake.
Exactly, it ain't nobbly enough to make them last moments hurt!!
Oh, for the filming you mean. Yes, yes, of course!
Haha, I hadn't thought about the non-nobble factor, it was just a happy coincidence that my GoPro suggestion also adds some much needed nobble.
So much nobble! I feel your, if I was him I would be fleeing the country right now!
Lol...As long as he doesn't come to Aus.
It's where Brits run to!
O I hope for your part that is not the case - I want to puke if people come back and start sentences with ....At my other job we use to bla bla bla. One of my kids told me the other day My previous teacher did this and that... so I said do I look like your previous teacher ?/ Apparently I hurt his feelings. O this new entitled generation, Softies.
They are softies! Too much mollycoddling!
When people start that nonsense I am always like, go back to you old job then. Hehe
!ENGAGE 20 !
@anneke you have received
20 ENGAGEfrom @meesterboom!View and trade the tokens on Steem Engine.
Why do businesses like to re-hire old employees, on more money than previously, even though they were shite? The world of business will confuse me until I retire!
It's always more money! Baffling, especially when they know that they were mince before!!
It's an approach I might have to take at some point. More cash, less responsibility you say? I'm in!
On paper it looks like the sensible thing to do. Might be tempted myself!!