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Oh I do! No matter how much he denies that he hasn't seen me in all of his life. I'm afraid his memory fading in his advanced age.

He once kicked a pigeon if that helps.

He.. what?? Did he hit it??

Funny you mention pigeon, because I've had a strange run-in with a dove in my childhood. I know they're not the same, get off my back, dude. No, seriously, we weigh almost the same, and my knees are buckling. Anyway, I was part of a production where, you know what, I think I was even the lead of it! I was supposed to release a dove, which was supposed to fly away and be glorious and shit, but then when I threw it in the air, it just plopped itself on the ground and just stood there. It was videotaped by everyone, and the whole stadium erupted in laughter. Let's just say my fragile psyche was damaged from the experience. I thought it would be apt to tell the story because of the title of this post.

Those damn pigeons. I mean doves. That one obviously did a real number on you. Was it paid by the wider dove community to do so though. That is the most vital question we must ask

Oh, and yes, he kicked it high up into the air. It was quite the sight.

You know what, I've thought about that. I mean, I've seen the way birds look at me. I have been pooped on more times than I dare count as well. But, I was but a child then. Too innocent for this world. Had I been framed? Did they mistook me for someone else? They do have brains that befit, well, birds.

Oh how I wish that I could've kicked that dove as well. That would really teach him to embarrass me!

There is the highest chance they could have mistaken you. Their minds are easily distracted. Perhaps you look like someone who has grievously wronged them.

Where can we take this though? Is there some kind of avian high court?

Oh there is! I tried contacting my avian lawyer friend I knew a while back. He's a finch named Atticus, but I lost his number. I tried tweeting him instead, but he has yet to respond. Boo! (Radley)

Oh boom once again your word gymnastics have left me agape!!! I bow you your feathered majesty!!

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