Night Minaj
Daddy, can we use your telescope to look at the stars tonight?
The Little-Lady gazed at me earnestly.
Hmmm, hold on, lass.
I flicked my phone out like a cool seventies Captain Kirk and checked the weather. It was all clear for tonight. Bugger.
The Little Lady had asked several times lately for us to use my old telescope to look at the stars. However, the giant grey cloud that shroud the Scottish isles day and night had been reluctant to give us the opportunity.
Till now.
The night was cloudless. A perfect night for stargazing.
There was only one problem.
I fucking hated stargazing.
Don't get me wrong. In principle, I love it. Who wouldn't love the idea of plumbing the depths of the night sky like some kind of Italian sky ninja?
But in Scotland, it is bloody freezing at night and in winter, even more so. When I first got my telescope I literally died of hypothermia several times.
Also, I had been hoping that the kids would go to bed early tonight so that the Good Lady could wear her special arse padding and finally give me my long overdue Christmas Twerky.
I couldn't help but smile at the thought of some nighttime Nikki Minaj.
I put away my phone and hunkered down on my knees to look the Little Lady square in the eye.
Before I could say anything, her face fell.
Oh, Daddy, please! You know I have been wanting to look through the telescope for AGES. You said that we would be able to see the craters on the moon! You said we might even be able to see Jupiter and the rings of Saturn?
Her face shone with anguish.
I nodded slowly.
This was it then. This was like in all those movies where the main character has to do something which causes a huge rift in the multiverse.
If I chose wrongly then the walls of reality could come crashing down. One minute, I could be the saviour of the night sky or if I chose differently, I could be getting all Detroit with my manaconda before sinking into a blissful sleep the likes of which no man could explain to an outsider.
It was a stark choice.
Minajery was a rare thing when you had two children who refused to sleep properly... Could I let down the little lady just for some Uptown Funk?
I gazed at her anxious little face and my nethers twinged at the thought of standing out in the garden with the frost and the night sky for an hour when I could be inside with wine and Twerky.
Truly, a Hobson's choice if there was one.
It was time to get tough. Time to choose.
Alright, lass. I will set it up. Tonight will be a night for the STARS!
The Little Lady jumped up and down, squealing with excitement.
Inwardly, I let out a heartfelt sigh. One day, I will get a medal for this. Or a shag. I would settle for a shag.
Even if you don't own a telescope, all you have to do is pull out the binoculars that one time to look at the full moon. Never again will a full moon pass without your child waiting until bedtime and saying "let's look at the moon!"
Binoculars!! Dash it. That's what I need!! Ready and quick!!
Just send me the telescope, claim that it broke, and I will mail you my crappy binoculars that will make your daughter lose interest in 5 minutes. You and I will both be happy ;)
Hahaha, that sounds like a perfect deal!
Start the telescope setting up super early because it always takes longer than you think. Then get out there earlyish so they eventually get bored looking at the one thing and then get bored waiting for you to find the other cool things. Then put them to bed XD
At least you don't have mosquitoes? XD
No mosquitos! In the hills though we have midges which are like a mosquito's smaller cousin, Thankfully not so much in the city.
It was good but yeah there was much fannying about!
Little girls and their dads. Saying no is so difficult. But eventually she will go to bed so may you have a shagalicious new year :)
I have high hopes indeed for that!!! :OD heh heh!
Isn’t there a nice dark room with a window in the House of Boom?
Warm and cozy, wine in hand. Telescope facing up to the heavens.
If it’s dark enough, you might even be able to “cuddle” with the Good-Lady while you wait for the little Lady to get tired.
Then off to bed she goes, leaving you two time to search for an asteroid shower of your own.
I wish there was but our house has rubbish Windows apart from a few rooms and those ones are the ones in use!
Otherwise that would have been a magic plan!
Considering you literally died several times you're doing will...Others who die should take lessons from you. Hope you saw some stars...And didn't die of exposure again.
I saw them! And the moons! Alright just one moon but it was a spectacular little crescent moon ideal for moon crater viewing.
I hope others don't literally die as much as I had to!! :0D
Plural moons sounds more impressive...Like you're on Pandora or something. Lol.
It would be more worth it then defo!
:)
Aye, you're a good man!
Am trying!!! :0)
You made the little lady happy... that's a good dad!!!
Aye, it was good in the end and the night is still young!
And how could the good lady say no after your sacrifice!
Hehe, exactly, man!!!
Good man!
Just wear all the bear coats you have made and they will protect you from the Northern chill.
I will be wearing everything. It's bloody fiddly though, all those little knobs and bits!! :OD
moar bears!
And some gloves with the freed fingers :)
All of the BEARS!!! :0D
They guilt trip you every time...
The reason I rarely got my telescope out was clouds or bloomin freezing and that was just England. I'm sure you'd need arctic wear for Scotland! I ended up selling the telescope and now we're in a country that rarely has cloud and is warm. I'd probably just get eaten alive by mozzies, instead, so maybe not a good idea here, either.
I am deeply envious that you no longer have to cope with the oppresive clouds and cold!!
That's a good idea. After tonight I might try and punt it!! :0)
I sold mine a long time back, but still get hassled to look through the non-existent telescope we no longer have.
Was the purchase during a particularly nerdy stage you were going though?
Lol, it was!! A nerdy phase before the children came along. I think I have looked through it a grand total of three times or something!
I can relate to this all to well, though it mine was well before my good lady was about.
I did see an orange Jupiter with the angry eye and the rings of Saturn before quickly getting bored, the device gathering lots of dust before I turfed it out.
I saw the rings of Saturn and m31 o think it is which is a nebula or start cluster and is all strange and fuzzy blue. The moon was cool too. Then the boredom kicked in big time cos I wanted to see more and bigger like the Hubble!
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