Lean

in life •  20 days ago

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I would like to welcome you all to our very first Lean Coffee Meeting!

Chirped Fanny-Pad* as he looked around the table where we had gathered.
*Fanny-Pad of course, being a Scottish slang term for a lady's feminine hygiene towel.

Fanny-Pad was an excitable chap. He had been bought in to invigorate our Testing practices. The Lean Coffee Meeting the first of no doubt many tricks up his consultant'y sleeve.

I looked around at the motley crew he had assembled. There were eight of us. The cream of the crop. If cream meant bored and fidgety.

Being lunchtime everyone looked a bit grumpy, myself included.

I have set this up as a weekly meeting and guys, I really mean this, this is a creative space. Anything goes, so feel free to let rip and bounce ideas around to see what we come up with!

He rocked back and forth, smiling, as if he had a string running from his penis to one of his ankles.

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No-one spoke.

Anyone want to kick off?

Grinned Fanny-Pad enthusiastically. He was bouncing slightly now.

One of the guys beside me, Jimmy Two-Ways, grunted and woke up with a start.

He looked around, confused, before slowly dropping his head back down on to his chest.

Fanny-Pad, undaunted, carried on.

Let me kick things off then. So. One of the things that is most important in the Test arena is... Oh sorry, yes?

He paused in his spiel when he saw me raise my hand.

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Just a minor point... This is a Lean Coffee Meeting, you say?

Fanny-Pad positively glowing with pride.

Yes, the very first and hopefully...

He looked around playfully, his eyes bright.

Not the last!! Boom boom!

He mimed hitting a shitty drum as if he had told a hilarious joke.

Someone laughed nervously then coughed in embarrassment.

Where's the coffee then?

Said I, addressing the colossal brown Elephant in the room.

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Fanny-Pad faltered, his smile slipping slightly.

Sorry, I beg your pardon?

He said.

I do love my coffee. It is lunchtime. So, if this is a coffee meeting, where is the coffee?

I smiled endearingly as if fondling a dog's bottom.

Someone else made a rumbling noise which could have been approval. Or snoring.

Fanny-Pad looked bewildered as if I had asked him if he liked mice.

We don't have coffee?

He said hesitantly.

Oh.

I said in a disappointed Father kind of way.

It was figurative?

He said defensively, his voice becoming decidedly high-pitched.

I hoisted myself to my feet with a sigh.

I've been sold a pup. I'm off, I've got work to do.

I made for the door.

We can get coffee next week!

Squeaked Fanny-Pad desperately.

I laughed like a pirate in a storm.

See you next week then!

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It's so lean in fact that it's barely a meeting! In all honesty though, Lean's probably my go to methodology these days.

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I always find lean us just another agile almost,!

Well, I feel a bit like you must have, as I read 'lean coffee meeting' I thought you were starting a new Steem initative that had us meeting for a coffee klatch here on steemit and had managed a way to get coffee to come out of our computers, say by using my old cobweb filled disc drive? Mabye it pops open (can't remember the last time I even held a dvd/cd) and out comes a stream of coffee...sure it might burn, and I possibly didn't think this thing through, but it's early morning, its freezing cold and I'm propped in bed or my morning Steemit time and I read the word "Coffee".

Thus, you can see I am with you on this one, leave until there is coffee. So, next time I visit your blog, see if you can get piping hot coffee to come pouring out of my laptop some way ;)

Also, it'd be cool if we did have a coffee steemit virutal meeting somehow, and don't say discord...I've so many discord channels that I already don't visit...when is VR arriving for everyone so we can all meet on virtual mars in the guise of talking coffee cups and have a good ole virtual chat...but still not coffee in that scenario either :/

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Oh tell me about the discord thing. I am in leads and have all the notifications turned off so I am not constantly bothered by random @here's and @everyone's!!!

When they conquer the virtual coffee then we shall meet in the virtual!!! Hehe!!

Lean, agile, scrum. What a load of bullshit. Coffee and biscuits were usually present as a blatant form of bribery at those meetings, and it worked a treat!

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Exactly, all the twoddle is seriously getting in the way of delivery. And I loved those blatant bribe biscuits and stuff. Now the lean bit seems to be on the supplying of the goodies!!

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Meetings do just tend to get in the way and should be banned without refreshments at the top of the agenda!

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Hell, I'm voting you for president!!!

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I'm ordering jammy dodgers and chocolate hob-nobs - 2 terms in office an absolute banker!

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The chocolate hobnobs will definitely give you the edge. Bi am hooked on the hobnob flapjack bars just now. Yeehaw, they are magic!

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Yeah they are top notch! Good for a meeting as picking the oats out of your teeth passes the time well I find :D

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It's at meetings like that that I miss my beard the most. It was good for a time passing stroke, lol!

lol, I have been in this meeting. :)

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Hehe, I was flabbergasted. If it has coffee in the title then I bloody want coffee!

More like the no coffee meeting. Been there,done that and so happy to be away from that type of mentality.

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I relish just waking away from that type of presumptuousness now. It's quite liberating!

Hilarious. I go to work for the coffee and not for the pay. I would Take a blowtorch to a coffee meeting without coffee. Hilarious!

Posted using Partiko iOS

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I will have to get my hands on a Blowtorch!!

No pick-me-up refreshments? Drop-me-off at my desk. I don't have to put up with that kind of abuse! How am I supposed to pay attention with my blood sugar dropping to "feed me" levels?

Who ARE these people you work with????

!tip

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These people are the maddest and most socially inept bunch of reprobates your could ever imagine!!

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That should automatically make you king of the castle!!!

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More kingly perhaps! :0D

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As long as a crown is involved!

@meesterboom hooo coffee meeting, that sounds great.
Who happens to invite a coffee meeting where there is everything but coffee? It's like inviting a fist dance and there's no music. What madness?
Well done friend, I hope that next week there will be coffee
I wish you a beautiful night

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I couldn't agree more! It's like having a hot air balloon party on the ground!! Hehe!

Make sure they bring some donuts with that coffee!

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That would be nice, I would definitely go then!

I see he got you there under false pretenses. How dare him?? He set himself up for total failure right off the bat. Who let him be in charge of the meeting?

Up the anti every time. Coffee might get you there next time (maybe), but then you say the only way you come to the one after is if there is coffee and treats.

I wish I had the ability to just walk out of boring meetings...... without getting reprimanded.....LOL......

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Hehe, it was one of those voluntary lunchtime ones. Well, I say voluntary but it wasn't really. I am quite bad for walking out of meetings. As long as your Tenebrae to only do it when the meetings do not contain important people!!

The only time it is acceptable to put coffee in the title of something that doesn't offer coffee is if it's a virtual thing, and even then it's debatable lol!

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Never debatable!! Hehe, that's a rule that has stood me well throughout the years! Lol!!

Next week. Lean beer meeting.

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The thought did cross my mind!

hahaha! I like Jimmy Two-Ways's method of handling that meeting!

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Snoozing never fails!

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Howdy sir meesterboom! now, was that a real meeting?

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Yes indeed, my pace is full of the kind of meetings that would make your head spin!

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well dang meesterboom you don't even have to be creative, you just talk about what goes on at work! lol..it's amazing. That sounds like a crazy place with a bunch of loons running around!

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Yup, a wee bit of exaggeration in the reactions and boom!!

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ha! who ever thought working in a crazy place would be a blessing in disguise! that's great, I'm thankful for your crazy workplace!

What a piece of nonsense! The meeting clearly said Lean Coffee Meeting yet there was no coffee provided. A bunch of liars! Upvoted!

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Liars, I couldn't put it better myself!!!

Your workplace really likes doing these workshoppy things doesn't it XD

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It sells all the fault of that dammed agile. It changed everything and not for the better!!!

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It doesn’t work for everything 🤣

Posted using Partiko iOS

What's lean coffee  anyway? The things they come up with to prevent IT people getting real work done ...

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It seems that that is the strategy. Avoid work by making non work things work!

I was sent to one of those types of meetings, we all had to introduce ourselves, and say why we were there.
My suggestion was, I heard there was a free lunch, and I hope it is a good one

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I have said similar in those awful ice-breaker type of affairs!!

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it stuffs up the presenter, they don't know where to go with a response like that.

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They are easily stuffed. I do like to see some face colour changing :0)

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