God Morning

My eyes flicked open. The house was warm. A strange light shone in through the attic window.

Tentatively, I stepped out of bed.

My head was... was fine?

That's odd, I definitely had a few beers last night and given that I was on the tail end of Thursdays hangover I was expecting to be paying the Piper today.

But no, I felt quite good.

I opened the window blind up to its fullest. More of that strange golden glow wafted in. I squinted out at the sky. Was that sunlight?

Well, this was peculiar indeed. Sun in a Scottish winter and no hangover. Well well well.

There was a noise at the stairs, I looked over. The little lady was climbing up.

Daddy, mummy says breakfast is ready, are you coming?

I nodded whilst stretching. My limbs felt doughty and strong. My body thrummed with energy.

TELL HER I WILL BE DOWN IN A MOMENT.

I boomed in a godlike tone.

Alright then.

She toddled off as if I wasn't a mighty deity in command of elemental furies.

I lifted my hands up in front of my face and studied them. So much power. I should use this for good.

I arrived downstairs. Something smelled delicious. The good lady put a coffee and a plate of eggy loveliness in front of me.

I nodded. This pleased me.

THANK YOU WOMAN. THIS PLEASES ME.

The good lady smiles and laughed.

Oh Daddy bear, you are funny.

I nodded. Yes, that was undeniable.

Halfway through my morning repast the little lady made a gowping sound.

Oh oh. Oh no!

I inclined a regal hand toward her.

WHAT IS WRONG? TELL ME AND I WILL FIX IT.

Nothing was anything that couldn't be fixed by me today.

I think I pooped my pants!

She wailed in some chagrin.

HO HO HO. FEAR NOT. WE SHALL FIX THIS.

I took her upstairs whilst regaling her in my godlike voice of times past when I had pooped myself.

Shortly after, we came back downstairs.

The good lady was in some distress.

Daddy bear, the hoover has just exploded everywhere. Look at the mess!?!

I surveyed the destruction before me then threw my head back and gave a hearty laugh.

THIS IS BUT A MACHINE. MACHINES SERVE MAN. I SHALL DEAL WITH THIS UNRULY MECHANICAL MONSTER.

Some minutes later, I had the Hoover all fixed and the mess tidied. On passing the mirror, I admired my glowing, godlike frame.

The good lady beamed with pleasure at having married a glowing God with seeming unlimited powers over all things.

She stepped forward holding some manner of offering.

Oh, here. It's your phone, you left it downstairs last night.

VERILY, I THANK YOU.

I took it from her. There were notifications all over the place. I swiped open the first one.

It was a price alert for Bitcoin.

My godly eyes darted over it several times.

My powers evaporated into the ether. I looked up, a pale shadow of the morning God that I had been mere moments before.

The good lady looked at me, concerned.

Everything ok, daddy bear?

I think I might have pooped my pants...