Dark Elves

The Sun poured malevolently into the room. Thrashing this way and that till it found what it sought. Rearing up in villainous triumph it crashed onto the nearby bed, spilling upwards to the head that rested on the pillow. Cackling, it spread its vile golden light all over the sleeping victim.

Arsery!

He screeched, pulling the quilt this way and that to try and cover his eyes. It was no good, it seemed to be stuck on something. Squinting, he pulled himself into a half-sitting position and stared at the thing pulling the quilt back to expose his superbly muscled handsomeness.

It was a woman creature.His body began raising the pole-arm in a no-handed salute.

Bloody hell, Every Sunday is the same with you. Get up!

She shrieked like a Harpy whose dinner has escaped out of the pot.

He contemplated leaping to his feet and dropping an elbow on this malign creature but he appeared to be under some kind of enscorcelment which rendered him weak and lacking in his normal ability to summon his inner Manjano.

Get up. We are going out soon. You have some stuff to get done before we get back.

It squawked in its alien tongue.

He bunched his hands on the crude mattress below and levered himself out of the bed. The Harpy backed off nodding its beaked head.

Good good. Now we will be out for a couple of hours. The windows need doing and it's a lovely day. Can you manage that?

It cocked it's head to the side as if it fancied feeding on his liver. He groaned. Despite its alien tongue, he could make out vague words here and there. The creature looked to be demanding some task of him.

He tried to speak but nothing came out, his throat parched and dry. What had happened to him? How had he been rendered here weak and useless? Where was his Manjano? He glanced up, the creature still glared at him.

He nodded. Appeased, it turned in an eerily reptilian way and stalked out of the room.

He pulled some raggedy clothes from beside the bed onto his herculean frame. On a lower level to this, he heard clatters and bangs. There was more screeching.

Love you Daddy!

See you soon Daddy bear, don't forget those windows!

There was a slam like a tombstone closing over.

Water?

He gasped, his voice a mere croak.

His memories returned, he was the BoomDawg. Had something beer had happened to him last night?

Downstairs he brewed himself some coffee and sat staring into beautiful space. His head pounded slightly but he knew on an instinctive level that he could not be found to have just been staring into space all day when the Woman creature returned.

In the kitchen, he found a bucket with strange cloth things floating in some scummy water. Emptying it, he gave it a rinse before he grabbed a cloth and filled it with good wholesome water from the tap.

Outside the sun raged about him. His eyes watered and he gaped up at the windows of the house. The molten gold of the local star glared back from each of the glassy house holes.

Fuck it, better get started.

He dipped his cloth on a pole into the bucket and then lowered it, ready to charge at the nearest window.

Morning neighbour!

Greeted a bearded old fellow from the adjoining garden. He seemed a kindly old soul yet his eyes spoke of dark deeds and slaughter.

Morning Jim.

He replied. Couching his cloth on a pole.

The Jim glanced at his cloth on a pole. Concern crossed his features.

Yer no going to be doing the windows are you?

Yeah, the good lady wants them done.

The Jim stepped back, something akin to fear riding him now. He opened his mouth and in a voice, not his own, dark words echoed forth in warning.

Never do your windows in the Sun, Son.

He shook his head as if puzzled by what had just happened and nodded before moving away.

The BoomDawg thought over the dark warning. Never do your windows in the Sun, Son? What could it mean? Well, no matter. The sooner started the sooner finished. He dipped his cloth on a pole into the bucket of roiling soapy water and hoisted it up to the first window.

The sun reflected back on him as he mopped at the first one. His vision blurred in the light, tears streaming from his eyes. He flinched away from the bright glass and as he did saw something.

What was that? Something in the reflection, hidden by the Sun's dazzle had moved. He raised his reluctant eyes back to the glass. Soap dripped down from where he had scrubbed. The sun stabbed into his eyes. He squinted, there was something there!

He lifted the cloth on a pole and mopped at the spot. Sure enough behind the mop, riding out of the reflected Sun in the glass, were a troop of tall angular men on horseback, strange curling spears held to arms as they clipped through the glass toward him.

Dark Elves!!

He staggered back in terror. Dark Elves, here? How had they found him? He gathered the mop and bucket and ran back indoors.

Trembling he made himself another coffee. Finally, they had tracked him down. He would have to ready himself for this. He sipped at the dark liquid and stared into beautiful space, he had grown fond of this life here on this planet. He brooded, he must come up with a plan.

There was a clattering in the hall. He turned to the door. His good lady had returned.

Did you do the windows Daddy bear?

She scrawked with an evil eye.

Too sunny.

Our hero whispered. His good lady nodded thoughtfully.

Ok.

Our hero leapt from his chair and gathered her in his arms.

I love you.

He whispered.

Love you too Daddy bear.

His good lady pushed him away with a playful smile and headed into the Kitchen.

The BoomDawg sat back down gazing off into a distance only he could see.

Dark Elves...