Cyber Security

You might be wondering why I have arranged this meeting?

Smiled the dapper little man in front of me. He had sunglasses perched on his head despite this being Glasgow in October.

I wasn't wondering. What with the baby of Damocles hanging over my head I was running around like a blue-arsed fly in my work. Tying up all the loose ends I could find and making sure everything was tickety-boo for when I had to go on leave for a month.

So my patience for yet another meeting invite walloping into my mail box was wearing thin.

Hmm. Not particularly.

Oh... Well, your company have engaged my company's services.

Hmm.

My company specialises in the area of Cyber Security.

Hmm.

So I thought I would catch up with all of the relevant areas and just brief them on my.. brief, as it were.

He chuckled like an old man taking viagra. I stared at him with my best Sakura Killer look.

He stopped chuckling and obviously decided to cut to the chase. He pulled a post-it pad from a hidden pocket and wrote something on it, then held it up to me. His scrawl said 'Al Queda.' He looked at me meaningfully.

I am quite sure I don't need to state the importance of guarding our data from these guys.

He waggled the post-it pad at me like he had some kind of palsy.

I screwed up my face grumpily and peered at his hand.

Al Kweh-da...? You've spelled it wrong.

He twisted his hand round and checked. He seemed a little annoyed.

Yes. Well, you get my meaning. We have to be vigilant.

This was all starting to look as if it was going to go on far too long. I had stuff to be doing. I decided to ramp things up a notch.

Oh aye. Has someone fingered me?

What, fingered? No. No, not at all. I am just introducing myself to everyone.

He giggled somewhat nervously.

Because I won't have it, I won't have needless fingering.

I threw him a dark look of outrage. Little dapper man's face became quite red with embarrassment. He crumpled up his clumsily spelt post-it note and hid it in his pocket.

Well, look, eh, thanks for coming. I dare say we will be working closely in the coming months.

Hmm.

I scrunched my face up in distaste as if finding a pube in my spaghetti and got up to leave. Little dapper man held the door open nervously for me. I grimaced as I slid past him, raising a fierce eyebrow as he opened his mouth to say something. He closed his mouth quickly like a fish in a bag full of farts.

Once back at my desk I smiled. Today was going to be a good day.