Chorizo!
Today myself and the good lady were just chilling. Planning out things that we might do on the last day of my holiday before returning to the den of iniquity that is the place I call work.
Her phone bleeped and schizzled, the way phones do these days.
She checked it. It was our friends from down south. Hadn't we gotten their message? She turned to me in stark horror...
Oh no, I forgot! I had said to our friends the Pulpit's that they could swing by on their way up north for a mini break?!
The Pulpit's were a family we knew from way back when we were students. In fact, the good lady had shared a flat with Mamma Pulpit for a number of years. They had moved down south to England-shire a few years ago and we still saw them but not very often. They have four children.
They are what? Popping in? With the whole family?
My mind boggled. Our little house. There were already four of us without any guests. This was going to be a right old stramash. The Pulpit's brood range from 3 - 11. One girl and three boys.
I looked about my beautiful house wistfully. Knowing full well that in a matter of hours it would look tidier if I just set fire to it.
The good lady picked up the little boom who gave a half-hearted, sleepy wah.
Oh my god Daddy, look at the state of him, he needs a feed and a sleep before they arrive. They will be here in an hour. Can you sort out lunch for us all?
She fluttered her eyelashes.
In return, I gave her my dead man eating a fish eyes.
Sort out lunch. In an hour. For 9 people.
Thankfully the little boom didn't count as he was only eating carrot sticks just now. 9 people though, In an hour? At least it was straightforward lunch making. I mean, it's not as if I was making sandwiches for people with special dietary requirements...
Did I tell you that Amy and her daughter are vegan now?
The good lady enthusiastically shouted, as she stuck the little boom on one of her booben and settled into her well worn comfy spot on the couch.
What?! Fucking vegan? Why do these creatures keep haunting me?!
I grabbed my car keys.
Back in ten minutes, need to get some vegan cheese.
I trotted out of the door on the way to the shops muttering darkly about them being lucky that I wasn't going to serve them fromage d'homme.
It didn't take me long to track down some vegan cheese. It looked like regular cheese but with all of the fun sucked out of it.
Back home, I set about making a pile of sandwiches. I like to think I am quite the whizz in the kitchen so jazzed up the sandwiches with spicy paprika oil and a couple of quickly whipped up relishes. By the time the guests had arrived there was a pile of buffet nibbly food all ready to eat.
The four kids piled in and started tugging and pulling at various things about my living room. Not in silence of course. That would be weird. Instead, there were screams and shouts as if they had arrived in hell and found the rooms not to their liking.
It wasn't long before it was time to tuck in to the food.
The room became silent as everyone feasted.
I sat and smiled beneficently at the guests.
At one point, Amy looked up from her half-eaten sandwich.
This is marvellous, what is that smoky spicy flavour... It's amazing!
Why thank you!
I smiled like a golden god at her. It was nice to be appreciated.
What is it, is that paprika I can taste?
I nodded happily.
Oh yes, it's just a little oil with a bashed clove of garlic fried in it. Then half a teaspoon of paprika to give it that smoky backbone. Finally just to give it some depth I fried a little chorizo in it. Don't worry though. I fished it out toward the end! Pigs aren't really meat anyway.
Amy dropped her sandwich and looked sick, better than that her daughter Katie made a physical boaking noise.
I grinned and looked back and forth at everyone.
Only kidding vegans!! Tuck in, there is no meat here!!
Everyone groaned and rolled their eyes at Joker Daddy. I took some stuff away to the kitchen.
Or am I?
I murmured softly to myself
Mohohohowharrrr!!!!!
To be honest, it is cool to eat healthy but I still don't understand Veganism 😶...although I don't eat meat, fish & eggs. Why not milk, when cow milk is given as change for mother milk...I could only find excuse in hormons in the milk, pesticides,...and bla, bla....On the other hand, I'm healthier since I don't eat meat,....It is serious exchange of thoughts but what is really worring is the fear and frequency of stress inside the meat from the slaughters...So, imagine that you constantly put that in Your body...😣😥😫
I actually don't eat much myself. I think I eat a healthy amount. The good lady only eats fish and chicken but no red meats. Sometimes she doesnt even eat those things. That means that for an easy life I often eat the same as her.
I never thought of it like that the stress inside the meat.
Yes, it is pure physics...This will a little bit longer explanation. You see Emoto proved that when you take 2 same glasses of water from same tap and to the first one You talk love, love, love and to the other You talk same ugly word,...and than you freeze the water and screen the water crystal. The first water crystal is well shaped looking as diamond...The second doesn't have crystal, it is amorph structure...It is proved that all crystal structures have better qualities/properties than amorph have no good qualities...The same case with animals and with us as we are 70% water...From that law comes stress & fear thing...
I shall have to look online. I love a bit of out of the box thinking and although I am quite matter of fact I do believe there is more out there than we can readily understand!
Yes, cool...Here is the first thing I Googled about Emoto...
http://whatthebleep.com/water-crystals/....
I'm Bioresonance specialist that is thinly connected to this what we previously chatted about. By this method you can screen your body & discover the diagnosis and the reasons for that diagnosis, including classical ones: all you know, vitamins, minerals,...from classical medicine, literally everything, gluten also Aaaand influences of the mind, feelings, stress, emotions, fears, electromagnetic radiation, current or passed relationships, different harmed energy flows in the body,...etc.
It sounds like Science Fiction but it's pure truth...
It sounds wild but I am a wildman! I will read this!
Speak to me like your french girls, @meesterboom.
I will give you all of the French a man can give!
OHOHO! Vegans--can't live with them, can definitely live without all the weird dietary restrictions that when eaten is like the end of the world. Seriously though, I do respect their choice, but don't swat away lamb that has sacrificed themselves for my own enjoyment!
I make it a sounds principle too never say away the lamb. Any lamb!! Yum yum yummy lambs!
Hehe, fromage d'homme still cracks me up :0)
Oh, I have seen that look of horror as a vegetarian or vegan has thought for a moment that they were eating meat. It can be as bad as accidentally copping a feel of the unspeakables. You're lucky you didn't get a slap. lol. The best is the full-on examination that happens when there is a tray of mini sandwiches. Squinting to make sure the product is safe. I would have gladly welcomed the sausage in my sandwich!
Haha, its a great look isnt it. Then they can't really trust you afterward and try to inspect everything in secret. I asked later if it was ok to cut the sandwiches with the same knife as the one I was cutting beef with. Obviously I wasnt cutting beef but it was worth it to see their faces again!
That'll teach them. A life without chrorizo? Not likely! That's one of my favorite meats.
Same here, its awesome. It changes everything! :OD
It is the worst thing that can happen to us, forgetting the guests and remembering them within an hour of their arrival, the good lady was very clever in leaving the kitchen for you, she knows that she always has a tasting of the manga.
Excellent reading dear friend @meesterboom
I wish you a wonderful evening
She was indeed a clever one! A cheeky one even!! A good evening to you too mate!
I love that the guests loved the 'paprika' dish!
And I just don't get why people expect others to know their idiosyncracies and then cater to them. Well if its a real allergy, fine.
One of my daughters announced that she's a pescatarian! No meat, but fish is allowed. She doesn't know that when I make a nice shrimp risotto that the broth I use is chicken broth!
A pescatarian!!! My good lady used to be one of those. I did the chicken broth thing too! I used to make many a dish and forget that I was using chicken stock. Although if I was being perfectly honest with myself I knew what I was doing just pretended I didn't lol
I am all for catering to real allergies, I have baked many a fine gluten free thing for friends with skittery bum disease!
skittery bum disease! can't wait to use that terminology!
Hehe, I love saying that!
good joke to play on those darn Vegans. Muhahaha. way to get their goat, so to speak.
Hahahahaha! Get their goat!! I like it! :OD
I love you video for follower requesters!
Lol, a video for all occasions! :O)
Teach those damn vegans a lesson! Also, vegan cheese? Whaat???
or as my grandmother would say: vulcans
It all comes back to them pesky Vulcans!
Hilarious! So, I have one child with crazy allergies, so she can't have wheat, eggs or cheese (and much more that I won't bore you with) so when searching for recipes I often have to search for Gluten-free-Vegan and then add meat in! Haha!
But seriously, you ought to consider doing an animation about vegans. I have friends that are and they are some of the most hardcore vicious people I know! Now, before I get skewered alive for saying so, I have some friends who happen to be Vegan that are very kind, but the hardcore ones? Ooh! Do NOT mess with them!
Hehe, and that is precisely why I will not do an animation about them lol!!!
Aw man, that's tough. I bet you get done good recipes though. I made gluten free Victoria biscuits once. They were the crumbliest things ever!!
You must be one of the most entertaining people I get to encounter here on Steemit - I think you must be a handful but goodness you make me laugh.
I am glad that be the case! :0)